Soul Shard (poem)

Copyright (c) 2009 by Henrietta A. Handy

There is something in my Soul
That saddens and makes me un-whole
Weariness and the same old grind
Understand lost in kind.

There is much to do
But none so much as contemplate, stew
Because life is never easy
And often times makes one quite queasy.

There is something in my Soul
It's sad and is not whole
No one answers the questions I ask
All they give is task after task.

I please all, but none agree
If I should be pleased at all, or just left be
There is something in my Soul
Cracked and broken, un-whole.

Nuff Said

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Yahoo! News Story - Wish Fulfillment? No. But Dreams (and Sleep) Have Meaning - Yahoo! News

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Wish Fulfillment? No. But Dreams (and Sleep) Have Meaning - Yahoo! News

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20090616/hl_time/08599190456100

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Hubby has not been sleeping well. He has been having mood swings, which can also be attributed to the parathyroid problem he had previously, but some things in the article have jumped out at me, like the following:

Dreams may not be the secret window into the frustrated desires of the unconscious that Sigmund Freud first posited in 1899, but growing evidence suggests that dreams - and, more so, sleep - are powerfully connected to the processing of human emotions.

It also states further into the article that "Sleep essentially is resetting the magnetic north of your emotional compass," says Matthew Walker, director of the Sleep and Neuroimaging Lab at the University of California, Berkeley. This makes lots and lots of sense to me now.

Am I Being Brave or Just Less Protective?

I have seriously been considering getting a web cam for my computer, as well as a video camera because there are some things that catch my eye and it would be wonderful to share. Hubby thinks this is a very bad thing because he doesn't want pictures of him posted to the Internet. Of course I am going to honor his request and desire! It would just be cool if I could catch him smiling in some pictures and videos.

How Is It Possible People Can Actually Stay Married To One Person Forever?

Hubby and I had a huge argument this afternoon and it led on up into the evening. It wasn't a bad argument - you know, one of those arguments that leave you wondering if you should actually stay married - but it was a serious argument all the same.

It has left me wondering and admiring just how many people have lasted together for fifty years and more. Being married isn't easy. Personalities don't always mesh. Sometimes the sound of the other person's voice grates on your nerves like fingernails on a blackboard. Sometimes it is impossible to see your life without the other person in it to the fullest.

Maybe being married is accepting you aren't always going to like the other person, but that you are always going to love them and when everything goes to hell in a hand basket, that is the person you want on your side and beside you.

Maybe being married is just accepting you are going to argue and be unable to please the other person 110% of the time or even 50% of the time on some days; it also means accepting they aren't going to please you for the same percentages. Accepting it means it isn't something that is going to tear the relationship apart, but actually make it stronger, as long as you work on what displeases the other person, and they work on things for you.

Maybe being married is the ultimate practice of forgiveness.

When You Least Expect It

Today Hubby and some friends and I went to the University of Kentucky art museum to see an Ancient Egypt exhibit. I simply do not have all of the energy necessary to write about it today, but it is there and a couple of drafts have already been worked out, but it still isn't right. This one needs to be good, perfect even because what I want to say matters - even if it only matters to me at the moment.

I was reminded today that when you least expect it, you can have your world's pieces suddenly slammed into place and simultaneously disrupt everything that you thought was in an orderly fashion.

The Long Drought of Words is Over

It has finally come to an end - that horrible drought of words. It wasn't writer's block exactly - there were many stories to write but it was just about impossible to decide which ones to actually work on. Today, partly out of boredom and a desire to correct a mistake made with the thriller novel, I began working on it again and suddenly the heavens opened up and the dam burst, and it began pouring down words like cats and dogs! It was fantastic!

The first chapter is done and a portion of the second has also begun. Not only are the words flowing, but notes are also happening and there is a sense of confidence where this is concerned. It feels good. It feels doggone good as a matter of fact.

I wrote between calls in the day job and found the day passing wonderfully. However, the question remains: Will I be able to work on it at all this weekend with hubby being home? He is supposed to go to G'town tomorrow for tai chi and I am half way contemplating going with him so I can actually get some more yarn (yes, I realize I need more yarn like a hole in the head, but it is yarn you realize....) from Stone's Throw.

Decisions. Decisions.

Still, this is good. This is VERY good.

Three Passions of My Life Besides Writing

Last Friday I actually made it to Barnes & Noble and enjoyed just roaming the stacks and letting the stresses of the entire week just melt away. It did my body, mind, and soul wonders just to be outside of the house someplace else.

As usual there were some purchases made – one of the most anticipated purchases was the next novel in the J.P. Beaumont detective series by J. A. Jance, Trial By Fury. The last time I made it to Barnes & Noble there weren't any copies available.

Straight from there I wandered and perused spines and jacket covers at a leisurely pace until I came to the craft section and the knitting books.

Once there much of the latest stress practically began to fall away like unneeded and unwanted weights. It was such an immediate sensation I don't believe I would have been surprised to hear the tinks and thuds of varying sizes of weights hitting the floor.

As I was thumbing through some of the knitting books (I need a baby sweater pattern for my niece who is expecting her second child) I suddenly understood what having a passion for something truly meant (at least to me).

Having a passion for something like knitting, reading, video games, dancing, writing, singing, etc. means that you have something so important to you that you can't see yourself not doing it or being immersed in something to do with the object of you passion.

Being passionate about something means it not only satisfies the mundane need, but it also satisfies your mind and soul in a different place and thus causes your body to relax. It also lets you relax enough to reach out and touch Creativity itself, which also lets you grasp, on an unexplainable level, something about the Creator.

Having a passion for something means it is somehow a part of you, an important part and without it you would feel just a little less whole.

I knew already I am, on a general level, quite a passionate person, but had never considered – beyond writing, of course – what my true passions were...are, and was surprised at what they are.

At the top, of course, is writing. This passion is such a part of me it is almost as necessary as breathing! Next would come my knitting, reading, and, surprisingly, my Nintendo DSi (my little toy). These are things I am genuinely passionate about.

Since these things genuinely mean so much to me it is almost impossible to describe my passion for my husband, my dogs, my family, and my friends. Above all of this it is truly impossible to describe my passion for my faith.

I am actually quite thankful for all of the passions inside. It permits me to live the life I have been given to the fullest, with only a few reservations. There is some pain involved living life this way because the heart is open to enjoy and experience everything as much as possible, and others to their utmost. So far I wouldn't change anything.

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David Carradine

It is so surprising for me to actually sit here and write about the passing of Kung Fu's driving star. Watching episodes of the series actually got me interested in martial arts and Asia as a whole. Seeing him in other roles I found myself frightened or laughing or pulling for the unexpected hero in whatever character he took on.

Although I have not followed his career closely I have watched and hoped for him as he battled cancer and leukemia and still managed to have a life. It just doesn't fit with the personality we have come to glimpse that he would commit suicide while on set/area for a film. According to the article linked to above (just click the title of this article) the family has requested the FBI to investigate in Bangkok to get to the bottom of what happened. I agree. This simply does not make sense.

Rest in peace, David Carradine. May you have peace.

Nuff Said

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Zoo Babies | NBC Washington

Zoo Babies | NBC Washington
Isn't that just so cute!?!

One of Those Wonderful Moments:UP

Yesterday Hubby and I and Cheyenne went to see UP. It was one of the most enjoyable movies I have seen in a while.

Not only was the movie in 3D but it starred my dog Chewie, but in the film his name was "Dug". The similarities between the two are so uncanny that all through the movie me and Hubby would look at each other and simultaneously grin and chortle: "CHEWIE!"

UP surprised me in the fact that it was intense for a "kids" movie, but, as with all Disney/Pixar movies there were elements for the adult as well as the kid in the audience, as well s in all of us.

Sitting there in the movie theater in the dark I was relaxed for the first time in a long time. Everything felt right inside me, as well as around me.

At the same time, my heart was a little sad for some unknown reason. Is it normal for such happiness to be accompanied by this feeling? This is the first time this has happened to me for a while. Perhaps I was just sad that the weekend was ending, and Monday - today - was looming large before me.

However, as far as Mondays go, today hasn't been very bad at all. The day job went well, the second job (more about that later) has gone well, and now the brain and body can simultaneously relax with my darling and my friends. Plus, this is June 1, and, for me, it is officially summer. Everything is good at the moment and I plan on enjoying it to its depth.