Blindsided

Have you ever noticed how things have a tendency to work? Just when you think you're about to overcome (a problem, a mountain, a wall to something), a huge mass of unnamed monstrosity will fly at you from absolutely no where just as you are beginning to stand erect for the first time in...Oh...ages.

That happened to me today. I was blindsided, and it hurt. It hurt so very deeply that I sit here before this computer screen and type words that feel like they are my only friends. It isn't true, of course, but I feel like it is.

In a span of a year and a half I have lost my mother, my best friend of 20 years, and now recently my father. It has taken me a long time to stand upright and feel good about anything. Today was the first day I stood full erect emotionally and inhaled deeply of what I thought was clean, fresh, safe air. I felt weights falling off me.

It was a short-lived feeling because that Huge Unnamed Monstrous Mass came flying at me from out of now where and slammed up against something I hadn't even been trying to overcome. I thought I was ok in that particular department, but obviously I was wrong.

Is it we who wade and fight through what is going on with us, or is it those around us who want to keep us pinned down? I am seriously beginning to wonder.

None of this makes sense does it. Maybe, when I stop crying long enough, I will write out everything that happened.