Yesterday hubby and I went to Church. It was the Feast of Saint John the Baptist, as well as a fast. It is a special fast and a strict one. On that day we try not to touch knives or bladed weapons, we do not eat on plates if we can help it, and we observe the strict fasting rules of no meat, no dairy, and no eggs.
In Father's sermon yesterday he brought out how Christ truly admired John the Baptist and called him, "the greatest man born of woman." My first reaction was that Christ Himself was the greatest man born of woman, but He wasn't. Why? He was also God. So, if Christ is going to say something like that about someone, it is pretty important.
All in all, my faith is growing and expanding. Little by little I am coming to understand life and living none at all, and I realize it's OK. Why? Because I have no control over much of what happens, and if I can keep a hand on what I can really do, then things work out much better. I am finally leaving a lot in God's hands and not messing with it.
That, in itself, is a remarkable thing for me. You see, I have this great "mother instinct" and I am usually reaching out to people, but I haven't been doing that of late. I have been reaching out to hubby, Cheyenne, and a friend I will call "Dora", and my sisters and select family members. It isn't because I suddenly feel reserved, I just realize I can't help everyone and when I can, God will direct them to me.
I am living and loving and being a part of a greater whole called Life and finding I can actually do it - Live and be happy on my own terms. Surprisingly, the terms are very simple: accept me for who I am, and love me if you can, but don't try to make me into someone I'm not.
For the longest time I felt as if I needed to fight to remain an individual, to be "who I am", but I don't. I just need to keep being me and if no one else accepts it, then, that is all right.
I wonder if this is a part of the "nesting" scenario as well?
Monday, August 30, 2004
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2 comments:
I'll let you into a little secret. You're right, "God will direct you." All you have to do is listen and talk to him on a regular basis. Sometimes he won't answer right away and sometimes he will set up a series of seemingly innocuous events to lead you in a certain direction. He will also sweat the details to make things happen like, huh, reaching into your heart where to all intends and purposes you should always remain as mad as hell about something. Don't get antsy if he doesn't reply to you right away. Don't forget God has been around for a hell of a long time and his time scale / future events schedule is neither yours and nor mine. If you want to do something reasonable don't hesitate to ask him as he might decide its' a good idea and set it in motion long after you forgot about it and moved on to something else. He also happens to have a habit of not telling you what happened if he needs you to do something in a chain of events that doesn't necessarily involve you. He also works on a need to know basis and in most cases "you don't need to know". Welcome, to God's army Ms. Asher Handy!!!
I'll let you into a little secret. You're right, "God will direct you." All you have to do is listen and talk to him on a regular basis. Sometimes he won't answer right away and sometimes he will set up a series of seemingly innocuous events to lead you in a certain direction. He will also sweat the details to make things happen like, huh, reaching into your heart where to all intends and purposes you should always remain as mad as hell about something. Don't get antsy if he doesn't reply to you right away. Don't forget God has been around for a hell of a long time and his time scale / future events schedule is neither yours and nor mine. If you want to do something reasonable don't hesitate to ask him as he might decide its' a good idea and set it in motion long after you forgot about it and moved on to something else. He also happens to have a habit of not telling you what happened if he needs you to do something in a chain of events that doesn't necessarily involve you. He also works on a need to know basis and in most cases "you don't need to know". Welcome, to God's army Ms. Asher Handy!!!
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