What Does Not Kill Us ...

Remember the old saying What does not kill us, makes us stronger? I am having one of those days where I feel as if I have received, and possibly given one of those fatal strokes. It has gotten me to thinking a lot about life and loving and living.

In my life there has only been one constant for eleven years, hubby. He has been the most precious thing to me. My Hubby is the most wonderful man I have ever known, or ever loved and his centeredness in my life is remarkable.

Balancing everything else around him is easy, or, at least I thought so until today. Choosing between many different things and him, I am always going to choose him. This is the part where I thought about "living" and all of its connotations today.

You see, living, loving, and just plain being is difficult. No matter where you turn you run into obstacles, walls, pits dug for you to fall into and impale yourself upon sharpened bamboo spikes, maybe even a tiger or two. Keeping your life running smoothly is hard work, and no matter how hard you work at it, there are always going to be days like today when everything seems to fall apart.

In the midst of the "falling apart" feeling, has been a steady thrum of "Everything is going to be okay." Yes, it is my usual mantra, but today it was coming from outside myself. It was, is as if God is telling me that directly. "Everything is going to be ok." No matter how bad things have been feeling today, that has been a constant in my deepest heart.

It isn't that pretentious feeling you have when you think everything is going to be ok and want it to be so bad you practically convince yourself of it. It is a real and genuine feeling everything is going to be all right.

This is the first time I have ever felt this feeling and it be genuine.

I've told myself my cat was going to be ok and he died, and I knew he was going to die. His life had simply come to its stopping point after 13 years. Still, I worked so hard to make everything BE OK until it was a mess for me emotionally in losing my beloved Friskers.

I am one of those people who has worked nearly their entire lives on making everything be all right, until it has been almost impossible to accept when it isn't. When something happened, a death in the family or a catastrophe, it made me think impossibly dark thoughts. Now, as in today, I am firmly holding on to a faith that is telling me everything is going to be all right and I know it is genuine.

No matter what happens, I will work on this problem, I will pray, and I am giving it fully to God to make right, because that is just what I need to do, never mind it is what I am supposed to do.

What does not kill us, makes us stronger.