Thanksgiving-ness

Thursday is the good ol' American holiday of Thanksgiving, a day when we look all around us and be very thankful for the things we have, as well as the things we don't have.

Confused?

Ok, let me explain.

I am thankful I do not have AIDS or cancer. I am thankful I am not alone -I have a wonderful, caring man to look after me and share my life with me, despite my sometimes-instanity of writing and reading and just being this really weird person I happen to be. I am thankful I do not have to live out-of-doors. I am thankful I do not have to squander and scrouge for food, etc.

See, there are many things to be thankful for - those things we have, and those we do not have.

Happy Thanksgiving all. Be safe.

Lights

People around Lexington are starting to put out Christmas lights. The bright colors made me smile last night. A sense of joy started deep inside my stomach and worked its way upwards until I was covered in it. No, I wasn't giddy, but I was happy. I loved seeing the first Christmas lights of the season. It is as if people are welcoming hope back into their lives, just like me. Should I think of it like that? It would be nice to think people are living and loving and hoping for a good Christmas, a good beginning to the new year officially. It is a unifying thought and feeling, and I need that.

Looking Ahead

It has been a while since I have permitted myself to look forward - genuinely. In re-reading the posts made in this Blog, I realize it does have a general theme of "getting over".... For me, this means, getting over the past couple of hard years and finding my place in where I need to be in the world, in life, in faith, and in myself (not necessarily in that order).

So, with these realizations, and, hopefully, new energy to do so. I am going to move forward, beginning with the holidays.

Before losing Mommy and Daddy and my best friend so close together, I didn't understand how the holidays could make you feel so alone and lost. They were the happiest times of my life and filled with hope. Christmas has always been my true New Year's and always has been filled with hope and love. After losing Mommy I didn't feel that way. Since losing Daddy I didn't feel as if I was ever going to feel anything positive again. Looking at Thanksgiving and Christmas made me feel so depressed. What did I have to look forward to? Those who asked me what I wanted for Christmas made me feel horrible (and still it catches me by surprise) because all I really want I cannot have - I cannot bring them back, nor do I really want to considering the condition they were in.

Still, on a whole, I am a selfish creature and still want my Mommy and Daddy with me...forever.

Recently I have been able to relax and take a deep breath and look around me. There is still hope in the world, and for me. There is still love in this world, and even for me. I still have people I can love, and it is to them I must give of myself. Although the greatest gift I could ask of God is one I won't, because He has already done so much for me.

It is time for me to begin genuinely living again. It may be difficult, but it will happen, and I will find ways of doing so.

Ahem

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Probably too much thinking. While doing the thinking I have not been doing the writing. The really bad part is the thinking I was doing wasn't connected to the writing! Too many thoughts and ideas have been flowing out of my imagination in my head. What to do about it? Put some of it here. Now, all I need to do is find the time to do that.

Why is it when the story comes there isn't enough time to work on it? Is it a procrastination technique? If it is, then I should have a black belt in it! I'd call it, PROCRASTINATION FU...kind of catchy don't cha think!

I know the posts here have been really lax of late. Things are finally heading back to a normal keel for me, even with the Holidays heading at me with the speed of a freight train!

Things are looking up!

scratch-scratch

There is something definitely to be said about sitting quietly in a room and writing with a pen upon paper and giving full reign to your imagination. Although I have not gotten to write any today on the novel, I admit it has been on my mind with nice plans and possibilities for the future of the main character.

Writing this piece long-hand is re-awakening my love for telling the story, for enjoying it myself as it unfolds in my head and upon paper before me.

How many writers are there out there who work on their first drafts by hand and then transfer to the computer? I know Neil Gaiman does it. Who else?

Before this novel I would have attempted to write it long-hand as opposed to computer to "see if it works" and this story just falls into wonderful place but only if it is WRITTEN. Isn't that amazing? Do all stories dictate how they are going to be written?

The Novel Day 12

The novel is moving slowly. Today, however, it seemed as if the dam actually burst and ideas and words are just flowing forward. If the stream keeps going as it is, I will actually REACH the 50,000 word mark, and maybe an entire novel, or close to it, by the end of this month.

Getting everything organized for the novel has been a struggle, but the word count is growing (right now I am not comfortable enough to say what it is, but soon - promise).

Writing this particular story has been far more difficult than I expected it would be. Not because of characters or plot or anything of that nature, it is quite difficult because it is a GOOD story and I want to keep it that way.

I want it to be GOOD and promising. I want to write the sort of story I would like to read. So far, that is being accomplished. So far, I am really into the story and can see everything that should be happening and know why it is happening. Of course, there are those little surprises that creep in to keep me on my toes and soooooo very interested in what is happening from beginning to ... well, now.

It is also getting to the point to where I may have to print off the pages and write some of it long-hand in order to keep the feel the way it currently is, and to write on it anywhere I am and then type it into the computer. There isn't anything about this story I want to lose.

Veteran's Day

Today is Veteran's Day. My Dad was a veteran, so when Veteran's Day rolled around we were all very keen on calling him, and, if possible, going to see him and several of his friends. For himself, Daddy would go and see some of the older veterans who were living then. His heart always mourned just a little deeper when he found out a veteran of WWI had died. "Without them no one is going to really believe it happened," he would say. Now, as the veterans of WWII are slowly fading away into memory, I understand what he meant. As I look to the future and see the soldiers of Vietnam and today, I respect them even more, and I hope their memory is always kept and honored, no matter what happens in the future with how posterity views the wars. They are doing their job and doing it well and losing much of their innocence and happiness in the process.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Suicide?

A friend of mine once said, "Suicide is really a nasty word." I think he's right. It doesn't "sound" good or make one feel as if the action taken by someone was actually meant to be permanent. But, there it is - once it's done it cannot be un-done.

A cousin of mine recently committed suicide. She was the LAST person I would ever expect to do such a thing. She was always the one everyone wanted to be like - a track star in high school, a wonderful visual artist, and she even began writing, or maybe even finished a book of her own. She was a free spirit who always seemed to know what she wanted to do, or try, and did just that.

She was the same age as me. She was my Dad's favorite niece, really, and he was her favorite uncle.

It's really strange having death so easily available to us. Have you ever really thought about it? You can take pills, you can shoot yourself, you can slit your wrists, you can get hit by a moving vehicle, a train, you can even try and be a hero in a store robbery and get shot and still commit suicide.

Why?

My cousin, I found out, was very ill. She really needed a heart transplant, and perhaps she gave up and decided to end things on her own terms. I'm not proud of her for it, nor am I envious of her for taking matters into her own hands. The action she did just simply wasn't right. It was wrong. It is more a feeling than anything else. It was wrong to give up hope.

Maybe that's the worst thing about suicide. Giving up hope. I have been very close sometimes, but hope has always found its way back into my being. I just wish I could have talked to her and maybe helped her get a little hope back. Then again, it may not have changed anything. At least I have grown enough now to say, it's OK that I may not have been able to help her - it is just sad.

Writerly Stuff

Since beginning this novel I have had idea after idea for other stories. They just wander into my brain, hang around for a couple of minutes (hopefully) and then wander away again - sort of like someone peeping in to a workshop to watch someone crafting something. It doesn't unnerve me, but it does become a little annoying at times - sometimes I just have to look up to see who the new person is and I stop working on the current novel. Does this happen to everyone who writes? I wonder. Is it the natural order of the writing world?

Another thing has also been puzzling me - is it always a good idea to work on the computer with the Internet so at hand. It is a good way to procrastinate my day away and not do the writing I want in a day. It seems like a siren song of looking up something I may need and a lot of what isn't needed.

All in all, things are beginning to look quite well for the novel. The characters and events are real-ish and the story itself is progressing. I don't have anywhere NEAR enough words for what I should have by now, still, I'm not panicking. In fact, I just really want to finish this novel and tell a great story. Perhaps that is what part of NaNoWriMo teaches you - the love of telling a good story. I always want to tell a good story, but sometimes I get so lazy about it, and now I am not so lazy - just focused.

Sick

Have been extremely sick for the past few days. Chest pains. Feeling better today and believe I am once on the mend. Things will be back to normal tomorrow.

-- Henrietta

Election Day Soul Searching

Today is it. Today is when we vote for either a new President of the United States or keep the current President we have. Wouldn't it be nice if the choice was an easy one to make?

I have seriously been looking at the issues and the people running, and the more I look, the more worried I become about the state of this country and what feels like a Class 6 tornado on the horizon heading for us, and I'm afraid of the out-come.

Let's face it, as far as voting is concerned, the decision has pretty much been made already. We have an "electoral college" instead of a true "election process" by the people. Those in power are really making this decision. We are, perhaps, trying to sway some thoughts or votes in the electoral college. That said, the question then arises for me, Why am I voting?

I am voting, like many people, to make my voice heard to the Powers That Be. I am going to take a stand.

Looking at the issues and the candidates - I am torn by what could be done on both sides if they are each elected.

With Bush I am looking at my freedom of thought and voice to be compromised.

With Kerry, I am looking at he moral issue of partial birth abortion and wondering whether or not he can really handle the Muslim mentality and Arabic spirit. If he "compromises" we may as well give up now and start moving to some other country. I am also not in favor of the homosexual marriage. There are many things to consider with this issue alone.

There is something on the horizon heading toward our country and our people at a remarkable rate. I don't know what it is, but I've a feeling we, as a people and individual are going to have to make a choice on a far more spiritual and moral level than we ever have in my generation.

Bush has lied and controlled and done damage to our political credibility to the nations.

Kerry doesn't really have political credibility with the nations yet.

If something were to happen to Kerry could Edwards run the country? I don't think so. He is green. He doesn't know the ins and out of politics quite yet.

Who am I going to vote for?

I guess I'll decide that when I get to the polls.

"So shall it be thought; so shall it be written."

We begin our grand adventure today. The novel.

For my own part I have been on pins and needles waiting for this day, and have spent much of the morning thinking and plotting, and letting Ezra come to full light for me. "Ezra" is the main character of the story, and he tells quite a good story so far ... in my head.

Unfortunately, before writing you have to take care of the mundane such as paying bills, letting dogs in and out and in again, and some housework. The mundane has slowed me down today, but not tomorrow!

There are tons of ideas for The News articles as well, so I may have to start jotting them down on the side and make sure they can get done first thing in the morning.

The time change also seems to have helped spur me forward in this adventure! The extra sleep is helping!

Now, "let it be written!"