Saturday, August 01, 2009

Acknowleding Paths and Directions


Have you ever had one of those moments where you look behind you and see the weird winding road that has brought you to your current position and then you look ahead of you and see about only 10 yards ahead of you clearly and wonder if you can keep on going? Can you keep on putting one foot in front of the other and make it to the end of wherever it is you're going? Today isn't one of those days exactly, but close.

There is much I would like to change in my life, in my little corner of the world, and yet there is actually quite a bit I like and enjoy and wouldn't change for anything in the world. Most of the changing I would like to do actually centers around me. I don't look the way I would enjoy looking; I don't feel quite as good as I'd like to feel; and I don't necessarily get to do all of the things I would like to do, but that is just the way living is - sometimes you get to eat chocolate cake and sometimes you have to wash the dishes after you've made said cake! The world just doesn't give you a break when it all comes down to it, and you really shouldn't expect one.

At the same time, the only person keeping me from making all of the changes I can see is myself. This sucks. I have no one to blame but myself, and no one else I can point a finger at and say, "They did it! They stopped me!" Normally this acknowledgement would make me feel quite sad, disillusioned in many respects. Today it just makes me sigh and set my face toward the unknown path ahead of me and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I guess I'll just have to change along the way - I am tired of standing still working on everything. I want to move forward and get out of this particular section of the road, the path.

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