Sunday, August 26, 2007

Sometimes preparations need Preparation-H

Preparing for the up-coming week. I have homework lined out and almost finished. There are a good number of lunches in the fridge. There are books of the fiction variety to keep me occupied when there isn't studying involved, and I have The Healer Within to keep me moving forward on the path of just simply feeling good. And, thanks to a dear friend, I also now have the prayer book I have been wanting, needing for a while.

Everything "looks" as if it is straightening out and at the same time it all feels like a big pain. Keeping my head on straight and moving forward with the plan I have so carefully laid out for myself (it's the A part of my personality; it shows up at the strangest times), but, at the very same instant, I see all of the math problems flowing ahead of me like a numeric white water rapid and the legal research is right there with it like some gigantic boulder in the middle making a dangerous split in the frothy water.

No, I'm not overwhelmed. Not yet. At least, not now.

My other classes are looming in front of me as well, but not so much as a menacing tower of doom, but more like an annoyance, like when Indiana Jones faces the sword wielding bad guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark and Indy pulls out his gun and just shoots him. That sort of annoyance. I guess, in some ways, this is a positive thing: I am at least feeling somewhat confident again and finally rested enough to feel as if I can actually make it through the next two weeks with some form of sanity.

Yes, my first quarter of being on the Dean's List may not exactly be there, but I am looking at it quite happily because a) I am still alive (I was doubting I would be by this time around Wednesday of last week); b) there is always next quarter to be on the Dean's List and continuing; and c) there really is a lot going for me right now in my personal life, academic life, and writing life. So, I guess you could almost say life is good for me again.

Why am I not saying it completely, confidently and boldly that life is good again? I am not going to tempt fate or the Darkness by being so arrogant. What I am feeling is good. It is positive. And, quite honestly, it is a self-knowledge that doesn't need proclamation for some reason. Everything just feels in balance again and this is enough. I don't need for life to be perfect or that illusive "good" just at this second. These moments don't come often, but when they do, I firmly believe they should be cherished and enjoyed to their depths. They should be experienced with gusto and love, people!

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