Wednesday, December 03, 2008


Thanksgiving – with its turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, pies, cakes, and so many varied dishes – has come and gone. As is the tradition, many shoppers woke up early on the Friday after Thanksgiving to begin their Christmas shopping. Traditionally this has come to be known as “Black Friday” because the stores go from being in the red financially to being in the black. Despite the economy being what it is, shoppers did go out on “Black Friday” and shopped until they dropped. Several of my friends were among the masses filling the malls, stores, and shops about town. I stayed home with my darling hubby and enjoyed just being alone with him for the first time in quite a few days. It was lovely. It was precious. It was needed because both of us were exhausted.

It is hard for me to accept Christmas is not that far around the corner. Money is stressing me out this year, as in the lack of…. I have a job interview tomorrow that I am so hoping and praying I get. It is full-time work in a medical office answering telephones and doing a lot of typing. This is work I can do, and, if everything works out the way it should, I might actually be able to start work on Monday with a paycheck coming within a couple of weeks. If not, well, I am going to have to borrow money from Hubby for Christmas shopping for the first time in quite a while in order to get the few presents I need to purchase, as well as a couple more yarns for making presents people have requested of me.

Knitting has gone from being my little hobby; it appears, to being something else…something very positive and very necessary. For a while there was this negative part of me that kept pushing at me that the knitting had become a burden and I should just give it up. Just as quickly as this thought another one popped up, this one louder than the other, “If you give up knitting, what are we going to do with our hands when the TV is on? And why be forced to purchase the warm things we could make?” I had to agree with myself, but this did not lift the Christmas lethargy that has befallen me.

It is so hard for me to find the cheer and the happiness this time of year usually brings me. The song, “Where Are You Christmas?” has me nodding in agreement, because this is just how I feel, except for the joyous return of the Christmas spirit at the end of the song. I hope it does come back, because I miss it – I miss everything about it.

Why has it befallen me, this non-Christmas spirit? I have thought about this question a lot recently and have not found one reason why I should be feeling this way, except for the lack of funds on my part. Plus, I keep looking around me at all of the economic forecasts and am fearful and filled with questions: Has the country gone so far down that the new President cannot pull it out in time before another Depression hits? Why did President Bush let the country get into this condition? He ended up richer, but we common people are much poorer than what we were eight years ago, and this nation, us common people, are fighting two wars, which is straining the economy even more. When I look at all of this I don’t want to spend too much money on just things, but want to make the presents purchased, or made, truly good ones, and important to the recipients.

On the other hand I want Christmas to be special to everyone around me. I want this Christmas to be especially special because of so many reasons – the difficulty some of my friends are going through, a sense of change that is in the wind, and, quite honestly, a sense of uncertainty for the future. More than anything I want this Christmas to be wonderful as a point I can look back on, as well as my family and friends, as something memorable and good should the following year be less than memorable or good.

When you combine all of these things there is a tremendous amount of pressure on me. I could just let it go and concentrate only on myself and Hubby, but my family has grown in the past year with wonderful friends and I am closer than ever to my in-laws. My world has expanded over the past year with people, good, wonderful people that fill my heart with joy and happiness and it would be grand to give them something special just to show them, visibly, just how much they mean to me. Because, quite frankly, if the bottom does fall out from under us, out from under this nation, all we people are going to be left with is each other.

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