Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Today I am sick. I have been sick for a couple of days now, and it has been bad enough for me to take off work. Some would say that if I am sick enough to take off work that I should also be sick enough to do nothing at all. I beg to differ: You see there is sick enough to do absolutely nothing, which was yesterday. I slept to the TV yesterday all day long until Hubby came home early because…well, he wasn’t feeling very well either. Today I slept late and have been able to handle a few home-related business things like bills, etc, but as far as dealing with customers and being nice…not such a good idea. My brain cannot think quickly. Still, today is better than yesterday despite the weakness and dizziness and general feeling so bad it takes concentration to hold my head up at times, and relax my shoulders. So, I am better, but not well by a long shot. Tomorrow I will work and do my job and get paid for it. Today I will think, even if it is somewhat slow and apathetic at times.

What am I thinking about? Well, qi gong.

Saturday I went to tai chi for the first time in many, many months. I had to go into the beginners’ class again, but that wasn’t bad because I discovered I remembered more than I thought I did. As usual, we went to breakfast, which I was super ready for, and as we were breaking for the day, I asked Just Bill a simple question that may have just changed everything for me deep down inside. Here is how it went:

Me: Bill, is there a turtle qi gong?
Just Bill: I’m not sure, but not that I know of.
Me: Could one be made?
Just Bill: Of course it could.
Me: Could I do it?
Just Bill: Of course you could!

Before going any further I asked him if he would help me, and he agreed. From that point forward he told me certain key things I needed to keep in mind while coming up with the qi gong form and he said to make certain and write it down. “Write it down and keep an order,” he said.

Instead of jumping straight into the “writing it down” part I have found myself putting a great deal of thought into what needs to be present and in which order; how does the mind relate with the spirit and the breathing, and what should it accomplish.

I am quite serious about creating the turtle qi gong.

Doing this is going to take time and a lot of thought and qi gong practice. There is a great deal to keep in mind while working on the form, and, at the same time, it doesn’t feel overwhelming in the least; it is perfectly in order with me.

Although, I have actually considered getting a turtle, which the husband has not said no to as a matter of fact, because our very large aquarium is sitting very vacant and devoid of fish. The reason I am being hesitant about purchasing said turtle is because a) I don’t want to imprison a creature unnecessarily; and b) would having a turtle around actually help me with the form at this point?

In firmly deciding to do this something inside me has changed. A threshold has been crossed, and I am not exactly sure what type it was or what even to call it, but it has been crossed and it was a significant step (for me).

There is part of me that would like to say I have crossed into the “martial arts” world, but that isn’t exactly true. I cannot stand (or sit) here and proclaim that to the world and especially to myself. I can say that this feels right. This feels as if I am on the right path with my health and mind and body and that finally I have a chance to make a difference in someone’s life other than my own if I do this well. I may never live to see its benefits for others, but with hope, prayer, and a lot of hard work, others will also get benefits from what I do with this. Plus, I am also not dumb enough to say this qi gong form will be created in a day, week, month, or even year. It is going to take a while and I am going to have to practice qi gong steadily and tai chi. I am going to have to practice standing meditation and I am going to have to be diligent about so many other things to keep this moving forward properly.

Surprisingly, I am looking forward to it all. Finally, all of the pain I endure has a purpose and is not just a useless thing bent on destroying me and others.

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