Friday, March 10, 2006

I admit - I have been in a very strange place lately, both emotionally and especially creatively. I was reading over Wil Wheaton's blog today and he said something that really hit home. He said:

My blog, which is a reflection of my life, has become average because I've allowed it to happen. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but at least I'm aware of it, and I can begin the long and painful process of ripping myself out of my average rut, and moving to where I want to be.

I've been reading a lot of Seth Godin's blog, and his book The Purple Cow. In Purple Cow, Seth says that the first few cows you see are really interesting, but they eventually blur together and you forget about them. Then you see a purple cow, and it's extraordinary, and you take notice, and you can't believe you were ever impressed by a regular old cow. He uses it as a metaphor for marketers, but it applies to anyone who produces some sort of media or entertainment; it certainly applies to me.

This has been quite true of me lately as well. No, I'm not an actor or a world famous writer or poet (yet) but I do take what I do very seriously (and thankfully it does keep me a little more humble than I would otherwise be, let me tell ya). The entire gist of it is - I feel as if I have let The News, and you readers down.

It has been quite a number of weeks since fiction and poetry and genuine writing have appeared here. It makes me ashamed. Why? Because the one thing I planned for this place was to be honest and real about myself and what I do. I haven't done that in a while, or I've done worse: make plans and promises here and never follow through.

So, first and foremost, I apologize to you and to The News. I believe there is great promise with what happens here and how it could jump into something marvelous and major. As sometimes happens with me, when I am on the verge of something wonderful it seems I subconsciously sabotage it. (It is a wonder I actually got married!) I let all of the things I have not accomplished get into the forefront of my brain instead of letting the accomplishments and the drive I have help propel everything forward, where it is supposed to be.

Now, secondly (it sort of goes in a list I suppose), I am returning to myself, if you will, and to the original purpose of The News: Writing and being honest with my goals, as well as showcasing what I can do and have done.

There, it sounds quite simple doesn't it. The thing is - I'm quite scared. I wish I could put my finger on what makes me so scared, because then, maybe, I could look it full in the face and get it away from me forever. OK, if not forever then for now.

So, poetry will arrive as it arrives and stories will arrive, and other people will submit various things. Life will go on, hopefully a little more level and on-key than it has been. As I am fond of saying, "Life gets in the way of the living." This time I'm stopping the train well in time before the end of the tracks vanish over the massive drop into the canyon.

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