Thursday, August 12, 2004

"No one loves you like your Mommy and Daddy"

Saturday is my birthday. How old I will be is not important really, just the fact that I'm older than 21 and younger than 45. This is the first birthday I will be having without my parents. This is an odd feeling. It is a lonely feeling to know, accept the two people who made you are no longer living and on this earth with you.

Mommy always used to say, "No one loves you like your mommy and daddy." She was right. No one loves you like your parents, or those who take the place of your parents, whether they be friends or grandparents. No one gives you that all out unconditional love and respect they do. True, not everyone has this relationship with their parents, but I did. I had unconditional love and support and now they aren't here and I feel the poorer for it.

Looking at this birthday looming in the near future I can't help but wonder when people actually become adults. It feels as if I was always playing at being an adult until both my parents were gone. My Dad was in a nursing home suffering from Alzheimer's, yet he was alive and I always felt he was with me in some fashion. Now, he is gone from this earth, from my current existence and it makes me stumble back in surprise and pain sometimes.

Last birthday, my Mom had just passed and I felt absolutely alone, or so I thought. I am alone now.

Yes, I am married, but his love is conditional. Yes, I have friends, but their love and respect is conditional.

Now I must stand erect, take responsibility for all of my actions and be an adult because there is no one to turn to in that unconditional way. The security I once knew is gone and I am going to have to build upon my marriage and my relationships to see me through the remainder of my life.

Now is the time I make a home, because no one loves you like your Mommy and Daddy: They made a home for me, and now I must make a home for myself.

1 comment:

Bill said...

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