Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Gray Sky Is Weighing Me Down With Tears

It is gray here in Lexington today. It hasn't rained to my knowledge, but I sort of wish it would - at least the rain would reflect how I am feeling on the inside at the moment.

Of course, I have already had my own water works for the day. Not to go into too much detail but, I was trying to play and joke with someone and they became angry and defensive and it hurt my feelings down to the core of my being. I tried to explain, but I really don't believe the other person understands just how much this misunderstanding came about and at such a cost to, possibly, both of us. The friendship is still intact, but it may be a while before I am comfortable again. In the past I can see how the misunderstanding could have escalated into a huge argument, but this time it was innocent and I am hurt. They are hurt and probably angry, despite telling me and themselves they aren't. Defensiveness usually means hurt and anger despite what the person is saying. It is just plain human nature.

It took me a while to stop crying. I haven't cried like that in a long time. It wasn't a cleansing cry, but one of those crys that just lets all of the emotion you can't explain or hold any more just come out. Hopefully it was good for my blood pressure. Just to make sure I took my little nerve pill and relaxed in front of the computer to do some editing on a story I am sending out and just try and work into some type of relaxation. To help encourage this I also put on SKY.fm through Windows Media Player and let the rhythms just flow through me as best as I can.

I am far too emotional these days, and I just can't reign them in.

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