Thursday, March 27, 2008

How Rain Can Make a Kentucky Girl a Little Blue

It is raining today. Earlier it was storming. It was storming while I was still in bed. JoJo was safely tucked next to my feet and snoring, and when the thunder began there was a large golden lab tucked next to my body. I had to put my hand on Chewie's head for him to stop shivering. Sometimes I get so sorry for him because of the life he led before he found us and a really good home that my heart just floods with love and compassion for him. When he did stop shivering he fell asleep with a paw over his nose and his body pressed up to my side like a little kid. Gabby came into the bedroom while it was storming, as did Cappa, the cat, but it wasn't to be comforted I don't believe, but to comfort. Gabby went around the bed and checked on everyone, they lay down in the next she has made for herself in the bedroom and began snoring loudly in about five minutes.

I just lay there, surrounded by love, and thought about how my life has changed. There was a time when I would lie in bed or hide in my room and listen to the storms and wonder if I was ever going to be free. Free from a small town and prejudice. Free from feeling as if I genuinely did not belong. Free from feeling so trapped in my life that death seemed like the only answer. Today it was easy to genuinely see how my life has changed for the better and I am so very thankful to God for not giving up on me.

Then, without expecting to, I thought about my Mom and Dad and how they sacrificed so much for me. Their sacrifice always makes me feel a little sad because I didn't appreciate it when I was younger, not the way I do now. Perhaps this is part of growing up and realizing just how much life you have lived and just how much you can appreciate the life you have now.

I said in the title to this entry that the rain made me blue, but it didn't. Not really. It made me reflective and quiet. It also gave me a peaceful feeling, so that when I did get up and start moving for the rest of my day I did so without worries of what would happen if this or that wasn't done, and it also helped me see just how much I care about this home of mine and the people and creatures who help to actually make it home for me. I am genuinely blessed.

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