Thursday, January 19, 2006

The Truth Is Out

OK, so here's the deal. I've had to have all of those nice girlie tests recently. Yeah, enough said. The only thing is that it turns out I'm not menopausal. This leaves two other possibilities - endometriosis and cancer. I'm shooting for endometriosis. On Tuesday of next week I go back for more tests and receive the diagnosis. I'm a little on edge. Really? Doesn't that surprise anyone? Glad to know.

Since things could end up being bad I've done a lot of thinking since 2:30 this morning. I've really looked at myself and my life and decided serious changes need to be made. It doesn't matter what the results are to the tests I am getting in the best physical shape possible - it has been long over-due as is, and I am going to concentrate on being "the little wife" and pounding out all the stories I can possibly get out there.

Why am I going to be concentrating on "the little wife" deal? It is difficult to explain. It will make the husband happy for one, and happy husbands leave you alone to do what you need to or want to when they aren't with you. He works a solid 40 hours a week, so I think I can manage this without too much of a problem. It is all of this talking he wants me to do to him that may be the hardest problem. It always has been. He never knows when I am being open and sharing my soul. He is always expecting something great and grand in a discovery either my self-discovery of something he has always known, or guessed, or that he discovers something brand new and startling in its revelation. Those things don't happen that often people. Since he doesn't read what I write and he ignores the LJ and this blog, well, he misses a lot on me. He has the excuse he is tired, of course, that he worked all day, but if the places were reversed, he would be down right damn hurt if I didn't look at his drawings and schematics. It wouldn't matter how many hours of work I had put in. Oh well, that's life, I suppose, as a married person.

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