Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Rediscovering Self

Yesterday was my evaluation with the occupational therapist at Cardinal Hill here in Lexington. It surprised me how very young he looked, and is. Speaking with him and going over what I would like to work on and hearing what he thinks we also need to add to it made me also see just how much the place had changed since I was a child. Today it hit me that, maybe, I was the one who had changed. I am not a child any longer. (This is also quite evident when seeing that most of the people who are helping me at the hospital and elsewhere are quite a lot younger than me.)

Today I feel as if I have stepped off of a very tall cliff and instead of falling am walking on one of those illusion bridges even though, should I look down, I can't truly see any solid ground beneath my feet. Still, I have taken several steps upon the bridge and I am still moving forward in as straight a line as I can possibly go to reach the other side, although, what is at the other side is still very much a mystery to me. Nothing is predictable at this stage of things. I have let go of everything that was stable in my life for the most part and am in uncharted territory. There is this place in the back of my brain that says I know the final destination I need to end up at, but right now I don't see exactly a way to get there.

If ever there was a fantasy adventure in the works, this is one. I know very little of what is before me, except for a few dangers concerning dangerous waters and needing to learn new skills to survive. Everything is new and different.

Hopefully on this new and interesting adventure I can rediscover some of those more important things about myself I have forgotten. In rediscovering them perhaps I will find that inner strength I seem to have misplaced throughout these past years. I think I know who I am, but I'd really like to fully know who I am.

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