Thursday, August 18, 2005

The Times, and People, Are A Changin'


O Lord our God, good and merciful, I acknowledge all my sins which I have committed every day of my life, in thought, word and deed; in body and soul alike. I am heartily sorry that I have ever offended thee, and I sincerely repent; with tears I humbly pray thee, O Lord: of thy mercy forgive me all my past transgressions and absolve me from them. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy Grace, to amend my way of life and to sin no more; that I may walk in the way of the righteous and offer praise and glory to the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

I have been going through something, Dear Readers, something that has torn at my very soul, thrashed it about to leave it quite tired, weary, and, well wanting to go on. In all my years of fighting to live I have never felt such a pull to go on, to accept that sweet sleep of eternity (if we do sleep for eternity) because then there will be peace in my life and soul. Falling asleep, death for the non-Orthodox, isn't my choice, of course. Still, to have peace and rest from all the labors of body, mind and soul is a wonderful thing for me to consider at the moment. And, in considering it I must also consider whether or not I have everything straightened out in my life so that I can actually taste that wonderful promised peace.

I have already begun by speaking with the Dormition Monastery and was instructed I needed to write a letter so I will have someone to speak with before I get there and while I'm there. Sometimes it is so much easier to speak with a woman than it is a man about some things. So, I am going to be working on that letter beginning today and tomorrow probably in deep earnest. The nun I spoke with was so kind and gentle, so loving and respectful some of the burden of living did seem to settle and shift to some other place letting my soul inhale deeply for a moment.

No, this doesn't mean I am going to the monastery to become a nun. It does mean, however, I am going to go to the monastery to have a good, soulful rest for once in a very long time, and help to get my head clear and my mind ready for what I need to do in order to straighten out this life of mine.

A dear friend did point out that in "straightening out" this life, it didn't mean not being happy, but to enjoy all of the pleasures God has given. My friend didn't say it that way, but this is what they meant. I know some hard decisions are going to have to be made and I am going to have to break a lot of habits and develop new ones (no pun intended) in order to keep going with what I hope to achieve.

Fantasy Revealed is being worked on and will pop up very soon, but most likely tomorrow. I just wanted to give you a heads up that The News may be changing a bit, as in having a bit more of me personally here, but little else. I suppose that hasn't changed all that much either, it is just letting you, and me, know that I am undergoing a change, and I never like changing like this without some friends somewhere.

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