Thursday, July 22, 2004

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It happened very unexpectedly.  We were eating dinner.  It wasn't anything fancy, just sandwiches and a wonderful salsa hubby had made.  I complimented him on how wonderful it was and was contentedly munching away on some tortilla chips.
 
"You'll have to fix this for Mohhh...," I said.  Both of us froze.  I kept my eyes on my plate.  I had almost said You'll have to fix this for Mommy - she would really like this.  Hubby's eyes were on me, watching me carefully.  I sat for a moment dipping my chip helplessly in the wonderful salsa that had suddenly lost some of its delicious flavor.
 
In being apart from him while taking care of Mommy, I had written him many times in my journal, but rarely on paper.  Everything I wanted to say seemed to be too personal for letters.  In retrospect I know I should have written the letters, let him know just how much I missed him and loved him on a daily basis.  In order to fill them I wrote many poems to him, for him.  Even after I had returned home I was adjusting with being with him and letting him know within the poetry how much I was hurting, how much I was loving him, how much I longed for something I could not name. 
 
One poem especially came so deeply from my heart.  It was written in a moment when I was certain no one would come for me in the end to rescue me from the horror of what was happening.  Of course, no one could do such a thing, yet it was important to put forth what I was needing:
 
Hero Wanted
By Henrietta Asher Handy

Copyright (c) 2004 by Henrietta Asher Handy
 
Hero wanted:
Must have broad shoulders,
Strong hands,
And a back unafraid of burdens.
Must be willing,
Without complaint,
To have tears spilled
Upon the shoulders and chest,
And arms stout enough
To keep out the cold of life;
Must be willing to face the monster
Even if that monster is me
Applicant must also have a hero’s heart:
Unafraid to love or be afraid,
But strong enough to overcome the fear.
Applicant must possess
Heart-warming smiles for when there are no smiles left
And encouragement when life seems too much.
Those seeking a mother, sister or pal need not apply.
Those unprepared to be challenged, tested and scorched with living
Should stay a safe distance away
So that your dream world will not be threatened.
Only heroes need apply.

 
It seemed simultaneously I was learning to believe and love anew, and deal with grief at the same time.
 
Do not reprint with permission.

67 comments:

Alex said...

I just thought you would like to know that you are completely "normal". Thoughts and red hot lines for plays are always jumping into heads. If something jumps into my mind and it looks good I always write it down on anything available even if I don't have a clue what it means long term. You're going through the grieving process which takes its' own sweet time. I enjoyed your "Hero Wanted" poem even though poetry and I go together like oil and water. You may not realize it but you have described a "soulmate" in poetry which is at the apex of the acquaintance, friend, soulmate triangle.

Anonymous said...

ujhoRY write more, thanks.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Please write anything else!

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Good job!

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Anonymous said...

Magnific!

Anonymous said...

Magnific!

Anonymous said...

actually, that's brilliant. Thank you. I'm going to pass that on to a couple of people.

Anonymous said...

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Anonymous said...

640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates 81

Anonymous said...

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Anonymous said...

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Anonymous said...

What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Anonymous said...

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Anonymous said...

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Anonymous said...

What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Anonymous said...

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies

Anonymous said...

Save the whales, collect the whole set

Anonymous said...

Beam me aboard, Scotty..... Sure. Will a 2x10 do?

Anonymous said...

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Anonymous said...

What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Anonymous said...

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Anonymous said...

640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates 81

Anonymous said...

What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Anonymous said...

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Anonymous said...

Magnific!

Anonymous said...

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

Anonymous said...

Build a watch in 179 easy steps - by C. Forsberg.

Anonymous said...

Build a watch in 179 easy steps - by C. Forsberg.

Anonymous said...

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

Anonymous said...

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies

Anonymous said...

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

Anonymous said...

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

Anonymous said...

What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Anonymous said...

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Anonymous said...

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

Anonymous said...

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Anonymous said...

What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Anonymous said...

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Anonymous said...

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Anonymous said...

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Anonymous said...

Beam me aboard, Scotty..... Sure. Will a 2x10 do?

Anonymous said...

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Anonymous said...

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Anonymous said...

Magnific!

Anonymous said...

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Anonymous said...

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Anonymous said...

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Anonymous said...

Hello all!

Anonymous said...

Thanks to author.

Anonymous said...

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Anonymous said...

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

Anonymous said...

Hello all!

Anonymous said...

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Anonymous said...

Thanks to author.

Anonymous said...

What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Anonymous said...

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Anonymous said...

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies

Anonymous said...

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Anonymous said...

Please write anything else!

Anonymous said...

Build a watch in 179 easy steps - by C. Forsberg.