Friday, October 08, 2004

Sometimes Change Is Good

Don't you just love how things change sometimes? I mean, look at cooking for example. If you take some raw meat, some vegetables, and some water with some salt and a few other spices, you put them in a pot and let them cook you have stew! Change. Another example: If you take flour, add water, some sugar, some fruit of some edible type and bake it for a while you end up with a pie! Change. The items in the beginning have changed their internalness into something different with a lot of the original good characteristics they had before.

Why am I mentioning this? Because, for the first time last night, I looked in the mirror and saw the possibility of change within myself.

Hubby and I were working out and I was on the sit-up machine and paused between sets and glanced at myself in the mirror. Usually I try and ignore what I see there. I mean, I don't have the body I want and it doesn't make me feel better to see it in all of its sweaty glory. You know?

Well, last night, during my pause between sets, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt a chill go down my spine. I could see what I wanted to look like underneath the surface of the unshapely form looking back at me.

It was as if I had two bodies. One I currently have and am molting ever so slowly, and the one I want just there, just underneath it all. That has never happened before. I smiled at myself in the mirror and felt something change inside me, something warm and filling like warm apple cider.

What was that feeling? I knew I had felt it a few times before, but couldn't quite place my finger on it. The feeling is still there, rolling and tumbling inside me like a happy kitten. It wasn't until today I figured out what the feeling was: love for myself. It has been a while since I've felt that. Hopefully it will stay a while.

No comments: