A Wonderdul

May God bless you all.

Christmas Eve Eve

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. So, this is Christmas Eve Eve.

When I was a little girl, there was just as much anticipation and excitement for this night as it was for Christmas Eve, which is when we traditionally would open our presents because Christmas Day was all for cooking, eating, and visiting...and playing with the new toys so the grown-ups would know which ones to take back and exchange (this rarely happened).

The excitement for this evening was just because. Just because it was close to Christmas. Just because the best Christmas specials came on. Just because Mommy and Daddy relaxed a little longer in preparation for the spectacular marathon of family and friends that we would go through receiving into our home and feeding. It was never a chore. It was exciting and wonderful. It was what Christmas meant to them, and subsequently to the rest of us girls. Christmas was the time when all of us could openly hope and trust; remember Christ's birth and ultimate sacrifice. This is how Christmas is supposed to be celebrated.

Even though Mommy and Daddy are gone, this is still how Christmas is celebrated with very few changes. Christmas Eve is for Church service and exchanging of a few gifts. Christmas Day is for traveling to Richmond to Hubby's parents' and the most wonderful of feasts. Christmas Night is for the exchange of gifts between me and Hubby and a few other people.

Our Christmas celebration doesn't stop until the full 12 Days of Christmas have gone. Somewhere in there is a celebration of all of our friends and family. This year it is going to be on January 8th. It is a time of more fellowship and love. It is a continuing time of hope.

For a few years I didn't have this hope, this "Christmas Spirit" if you will. This year it has returned and I can't help but spread the hope and belief of the upcoming New Year of 2010 is going to be spectacular. Mostly it is because I need to believe next year (which is so close you can taste it) is going to be absolutely the most fantastic of years for me and those I love.

One of Those Quiet Snowy Reflective Saturdays

I promised someone quite dear to me that I would begin updating here more often than not at all. Yesterday I spent a good portion of the evening wondering exactly what I was going to write about today and debated many topics; however, with all the talk of snow and snowstorms my mind wandered around to peacefulness and being relaxed, which is what the new qi gong class I am taking is all about, as well as movement.

The very first class ended with me so relaxed I was positive. Positive I was going to complete the course. Positive I was going to complete all of the Christmas knitting projects. Positive that everything I felt that was "bad" with me, well, really wasn't that bad.

All week long I practiced what I had learned for ten minutes every day before work, or after work, and noticed that I was indeed more relaxed when work was over and the knot in my shoulders went down considerably after qi gong practice. When the second meeting came around and more was added, again I felt positive and relaxed by the end of class and felt more prepared to face the coming weekend and week (we practice on Thursday evenings).

Yesterday I practiced after work and still, for some reason felt stressed. It as mostly due to the husband being a husband and changing all of the plans I had made for the most perfect room in the house to me: a craft room. Last night I went in there, before it gets changed, and just knitted and practiced qi gong and felt the stresses just slipped away. Positive thoughts and feelings came back, and then, suddenly, I found myself praying and being even more relaxed and even more positive. Then, in one flashing moment of clarity I understood exactly why the craft room and how its arrangement mattered to be on such a deep level - besides just being a silly craft room filled with yarn and all sorts of knitting and spinning items:

The craft room is my peaceful room. It is situated in the middle of my house with bedroom and office on one side, and kitchen and living room on the other side. These rooms I usually share with more than one person and even though I can usually knit while watching television or knit when I am working (except here lately) and still get what I need to do done, but the enjoyment of it is not as great as sitting in the craft room with all of my supplies present, quiet, and the window blinds open just so much allowing the natural light to come in and join me in the projects I am doing. Everything is arranged per my wishes and the walls are waiting for me to adorn them and the spinning wheel is waiting for more roving so I can spin in there away from so many distractions and just be at peace with myself and with God. Surprisingly, not even the dogs join me in the craft room, but will lie outside in the hall as contentedly as if they were at my feet.

The husband, seeing a practical need of having to move some furniture has decided the only place he can put said furniture is in the craft room until he can "get the time" to move said furniture into our storage building. We all know what this really means: He isn't going to move it again once it is in the craft room. Because more items are coming into the craft room everything that was done for me and that I did will change and I felt quite as if one of the more precious spaces to me was being violated and my wishes and desires were not being respected. (Yes, part of this is true, but I understand the husband's reasonings.) Even though the craft room is going to be crowded and it is going to be quite stuffy I have managed, in part, to come to an understanding about it and have made plans without the husband being present to get the soon-to-be-empty furniture into the building and correct the craft room back into the way it should be.

However, I couldn't have permitted myself to come to a conclusion and plan about all of this if I hadn't first been relaxed enough to where I could think and look at the situation with a more critical and less emotional eye. Yes, I am still quite upset about it, but resigned now, and have a very large determination to get my room back to where it should be: A place to knit, spin, pray, and do qi gong in peace.

Yahoo! Music - "Bad Day" Named One-Hit Wonder Of The Decade - Stop The Presses!

"Bad Day" Named One-Hit Wonder Of The Decade - Stop The Presses!

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/stopthepresses/94844/bad-day-named-one-hit-wonder-of-the-decade/

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I actually forgot why I liked this song initially until it came back up here and caught my eye. And, for those of you who likewise cannot remember the video - here it is. Enjoy.

Yahoo! News Story - Senate votes to keep Medicare cuts in health bill - Yahoo! News

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Why does this not surprise me?

Senate votes to keep Medicare cuts in health bill - Yahoo! News

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_health_care_overhaul

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A Good Movie Really Sucked and Weird Moments Abound

I wanted to see Ninja Assassin sooo badly, but after talking Hubby and Cheyenne into going to see it with me I was greatly disappointed. The movie was "good" in and of itself, but things were just too over-the-top (like all of the buckets of blood and body parts that weren't necessary to make the movie a good movie).

The best part of the movie was Rain - the protagonist of our tale. He looked the part. He moved like you would think a martial arts move should be done. He is definitely good looking, and he can actually act. These are all positives, yet the movie lacked so much that it is almost impossible to put my finger on one particular reason why it wasn't good.

Yes, the over-exaggeration of blood and body parts flying off at the touch of a shuriken or sword was a bit much, but it lacked, or missed the mark for what makes a good martial arts movie. There was even a story that made sense to follow, but it just wasn't there. Yes, there was tons of violence that actually sort of made sense on some warped level. Yes, there was a love interest that was one lost, a new love interest gained; there was suffering of the hero, but at the end of the movie I was left wanting something...more.

Hubby wanted to walk out of the movie within the first ten minutes of the movie, but, since I had purchased the tickets, I couldn't afford just leaving the theater because I don't make as much money as he does, and thus do not have the luxury of walking out on a movie I don't particularly care for after the first little bit.

---

In other news, I am still writing on the pretty, pretty drag queen's adventures. Unfortunately it feels as if I am only writing a word or two at a time.

Having a Grrrrr Moment

Signed on for work today and the server had decided my password was wrong. A ticket has been opened but no one has contacted me since it was put in at 10:57 A.M. Yeah, not exactly happy but am trying to just let it go and fill the day with other productive things to do. You know make a Christmas list that people have been hounding me for for a while; looking up patterns that I need for Christmas and baby knitting; and just keeping from stressing as much as possible.

I am not happy about the work situation, especially since I can't fix myself a bite of food in case tech support decides to call. About the only thing left to me to munch on is old Halloween candy, and even it is becoming sparse.

So, back to perusing the Internet for interesting somethings.

More Words

Another successful day of at least getting more words down for the pretty, pretty drag queen.

Today's word total = 734
Total words= 3,181

This is called DETERMINATION!!!

Have you ever seen a more determined creature? Or, more correctly, have you ever seen a more threatening creature? I bet this is the sweetest cat evar, until you threaten to take the pancakes away!

Yesterday I had technical difficulties at work so I actually sat myself down and began work again on the pretty, pretty drag queen's story.

It didn't just feel "good" to be creating something, of telling a story: It felt extraordinarily right, which was just what was needed to fuel the writing fire again and help me obtain the determination of said kitty. This time I am finishing the story. No more excuses. No more reasons. No more "I can'ts" because, to be honest, I am actually quite tired of the excuses. So what if it might not get published, I have enjoyed being a different person for a while and seeing how their lives turn out.

Yesterday the beginning word count for the pretty, pretty drag queen: 1,800

Today's additional words: 647

Total word count: 2,447

Yes, I know that today's word count is a lot smaller than yesterday's but the main thing that has me in the squee is that I actually sat me down and wrote some on the story.

Not going back and editing the thing is driving me a little wild, but getting everything down now is the important thing. All the errors can be fixed later.

Having gotten words down has actually made me feel quite accomplished. In fact, writing has made me feel better all around. It has been missing from my daily routine and it should never have been pushed to the back burner for whatever reasons that kept it there.

Now, I just have to keep the kitty-like determination on the writing as it does with the pancakes!

Sunday

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Well, we had a quiet Halloween in Lexington. Hubby and I remained home to pass out candy. Unfortunately we only had about a dozen Trick-or-Treaters. All of them were quite cute, but they were so quick I didn't get one single photo! This was not something I wanted to miss this year, but, well, if they or the parents aren't going to stick around for a picture I can't make them. I guess some parents are really weird about having a complete stranger taking a photo of their kids.

Our friends went downtown and partied. I SO should have been there helping them! Still, it is a good thing I did not go because, for some reason, I am fighting another fever.

How Appropriate!

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Quick! I need a new plan!

I am not feeling absolutely wonderful yet. There is a nagging cough and stuffy head even though the fevers have gone the way of the Great Do-Do bird. Sadly, this stupid flu is going to keep me from going downtown and partying this Halloween. Yes, I am much bummed about that.

So, alternate plans for Halloween must be made.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Quick and not so Easy

Officially have the flu. Not H1N1 though. Still, it is kicking my butt!

Mysterious Friday

It has rained off and on for the past 24 hours. My arthritis is kicking up and I am not feeling well, but worse is the fact that I am not emotionally feeling well. Rain does that to me sometimes, as do dreary, no sun days, like today and yesterday.

There are a lot of contributing factors to my doldrums, but the end result is the same. Fortunately I want to change the emotional icky and make it better...I am just not quite sure how at the moment.

Still, there are good things happening: It is Friday. I actually made it to work today. There is a chance of sun tomorrow for the business lunch. Hubby is going with me to the business lunch. My dogs are with me and I have warm Coke for the tummy rumbles. So, things aren't all bad in my mysterious world, and, with luck and some more work, they will be better sooner than later.

Tickling the Funny Bone

A New Show that Should not be Forgotten!

It is no secret that yours truly is a crime show buff. I had not heard of this new show called The Forgotten until surfing the TV while recuperating from the stomach flu yesterday and just happened to catch Christian Slater on Rachel Ray's talk show.

I knew that Slater was supposed to be in a new show since the absolute best show ever about the split personality was axed, but was surprised to discover this show was actually based on one small fact: There are organizations out there who volunteer their time to try and give names to those victims of crimes who are nameless. According to Slater there are over 40,000 nameless victims (Jane & John Does) out there and organizations like this fictional one really do work to try and give a name to the nameless.

Since I actually like to watch Christian Slater and how he portrays his characters, I set the DVR to tape the show last night and since the stomach flu is still keeping me from working (I would much prefer a different form of forced vacation) I watched it and am instantly hooked!

Slater's character is a retired Chicago police officer and other individuals of his cohorts have lives outside of their research for the nameless victims of crimes. They are the ordinary people, just like you and me, who have decided to make a difference in the world as best they can. The show is up-lifting and makes you think, and also encourages you to do something with those talents you just let slip by here and there.

It is emotional. It has action. It has a common-place feel about it that lifts it up above just another "ordinary" crime drama into a new realm of possibilities. Real possibilities.

Although I have missed the first episode, I am going to go back and watch it at ABC.com. It deserves a look-see. I think it is one of the best new shows of the season and should stick around for a while. Kudos to ABC for such a wonderful new show!

A Woman in Stages

The above is a painting by Edvard Munch titled Woman in Three Stages. It holds me deeply and I feel it more than I have felt anything in quite a while. It makes me want to get hold of oil pastels again and doodle, expressing emotions in the only avenue that seems to be able to get them out of me these days - color and shape. Of course words help, but sometimes, just sometimes, words are too complicated an avenue to express what is roiling and boiling inside my chest and heart. For those moments it must be a visual medium such as paint, oil pastels, or photography.

Unfortunately I have not been able to get outside and do my pictures because a) I have been quite ill; and b) it has been too cool for me to go outside and look for interesting images around my home.

It would be nice to roam a graveyard for gravestone pictures, but this requires getting Hubby to go with me, and sometimes it would be nice just to be able to roam and take pictures as I see them without having to talk overly much or explain why I am photographing this or that. My eye sees things differently, it seems, from the rest of humanity and most assuredly my husband.
And, I cannot draw worth a lick! Still, sometimes it isn't the object that is being drawn, but the very act of drawing and selecting colors to share the emotion itself is what is most important.

The sharing of emotion is what seems to keep drawing me to Edvard Munch's creations of late. In each painting, drawing, picture that he produces he shows emotion. The emotion not only jumps out at you, but it itself, is screaming from the canvas itself. It is emotion everyone can understand in their own particular way in their own particular time in their own life that makes his artistry so important.

Another artist who touches me in the same way is Georgia O'Keeffe. Her works are beautiful. Sad. Thought provoking. Important. They have an importance even if it is to no one else but her, and us because they were important to her - a circle.

Perhaps it is time to pick up paints and oil pastels again for me, and pencils so I can express the currently inexpressible.

*sigh*

After waking and finding yourself in a clearing surround by an evergreen forest that looks the same all the way around, you have two choices:

1. Make camp and stay where you are or
2. Choose a direction and start walking.

I think I am just going to pick a direction and start walking, even if it is only mental and emotional and not physical. Make sense?

Work and Work

There just isn't any getting around Mondays is there? You have two days to rest from five days of everything possible crammed into them, and just when it seems you almost have recovered your energy Monday comes again. O. Well.

While working at the "day job" today, i.e. call center - my head kept returning to the story I am currently working on, as well as some ideas for cleaning up a short story I have recently completed.

A couple of years ago I would have been so annoyed that there just wasn't enough time to get the story written that it would have made it almost impossible to complete. Now, with time really crunched, it seems there is more time to write now than when there was all the time in the world to do nothing but write. Why is it that when you have enough time to do what you need you never get around to what you need to do, but when there are constraints upon your time there is suddenly time to do almost everything you need?

This is truly one of the greatest mysteries of the universe!

Not Quite the Weekend I was Expecting

My arthritis has really kicked up on me for the past week. It has rained here in Lexington practically off and on all week. It has rained today and is still feeling like rain in my body although the sun has actually managed to peek its way out from behind the clouds.

The rain is going to really help the leaves be beautiful for when they turn, however. So, complaining about the weather doesn't really do any good about it at all. In fact, it is quite useless. Still, just to be able to say, "Hey, I don't feel good" does help just a little more than suffering in silence.

Despite the tears shed in pain, I am going to encourage today to be better than what it otherwise normally would have been. There is knitting planned for later as well as a little on-line shopping for a couple of things to decorate my journal/diary pages with; and there are movies to catch up on as well. Even though there are things to do today to keep me distracted, the main thing I was looking forward to, mostly, was the St. Andrew's Festival at my Church. Every year since joining, and even before joining, Hubby and I have managed to work at the bookstore booth each and every year. This is the first year we have not worked it together. The festival is a weekend event, so there is a chance I might be able to work at it tomorrow after Church, I am not at all certain this is even possible.

Moving for me today is so painful all I have been able to do is move, get from point A to point B and then dissolve into tears. Yes, there is pain medication I can take for such a bad day, but I am only taking half of the dosage because I really would prefer not to sleep the day away, but I might just have to take a second dose - usually I try to take one dose and suffer through the rest of the day because I want a DAY, not a snooze fest.

So, despite the fact this weekend was not what I was expecting it to be - I am still hopeful it will be as good as it can possibly be.

Something Cute on a Dreary Day

Isn't this just adorable? This is Cappa (Cappuchino). She rules this house with a gentle, but firm paw. As you can tell, she has it hard in taking care of all of her duties. She must eat, sleep, amuse her human, keep the dogs in line, and, of course, make certain her beauty naps are correct in number for the day - especially on dreary days such as today. It is hard being a kind and gentle princess over such a domain. It just wears a kitty out!

Personally, I am ever so glad Friday has arrived. There is a great deal going on here at home: This is our annual St. Andrew's Church festival and for the first time in ever I will not be helping Hubby with the bookstore tomorrow (Saturday), because of the weather and my current pain level. My arthritis, limbs, and chest all say that it is going to rain quite a lot tonight, tomorrow, and possibly the next day. We shall see, of course, if I am right. Either way, the pain is here and it is planning on staying put for a while. So, tomorrow, I will be home while he is there. He will, of course, be in my thoughts a lot. We have done this together almost every since we have been in Church!

In other news, my paper journal is becoming nice and fat from photos, drawings, and knitting patterns. It is growing so large with a collection of swatches that I am going to have to keep a knitting journal for real, not just in pretense! I am quite surprised by it actually.

The dreary, gray sky has my mood somewhat down. It will perk up soon.

Have a great Friday y'all!

Here is a cute picture that simply makes me giggle each and every time I see it because Chewie, herein pictured, is the sweetest, most gentle creature on the face of this big planet. He won't harm a single thing and puts himself between danger and whatever he is trying to protect, whether that is me or a cricket! The Beware of the Dog sign in our back yard is there for our babies' protection really more than anyone else (human wise). Still, Chewie underneath it is just an oxymoron for me.

Today has been Monday. All. Day. Long. I am glad the work part of it is over because it was simply rough. The call volume wasn't out-of-this-world and the people, for the most part were nice and really just wanted the paper they had been given to go away, which is a) my job; and b) something I don't mind helping anyone do! Still, there were technical difficulties involved. At one point my head-set just was not working. On another call the person on the other end could not hear me, and the few Spanish-speaking calls I received were dropped because I could not get hold of anyone fast enough.

Hubby didn't go to work because he still had a fever from whatever was going on with him this weekend. However, he would not deny work and actually did some from home, which, in the end, helped to make him feel better. Surprisingly I understand this action. Since I have returned to the work-force again not working through the week feels really odd, although having an occasional day off wouldn't be so bad, or being able to take it off even if I didn't would be absolutely lovely!

Besides it being Monday it has rained all day off-and-on and the temperatures have dropped down into the low 70s. This encourages my arthritis to be very upset and since it cannot be upset in peace and quiet it tries very hard to make me miserable, or at least acknowledge its ever constant presence. Yeah, I've hurt today. It wouldn't hurt quite so bad if I could turn off the A/C but Hubby needs the cool because of the fevers, so I have been wrapping up as best I could. It hasn't helped all that much, but it has helped some. Part of me is actually looking forward to having the heat turned on because it will help push the arthritis back further than it is willing to go at the moment.

If this doesn't get better in the next little bit I believe I am going to pull out ye olde water bottle and fill it with hot water and hug it to my chest in perfect bliss!

Vampire Effect Makes Me Smile Every Time I Watch It

Vampire Effect is one of those corny martial arts movies that makes me smile each and every time I watch it. Now I have just discovered there is a Vampire Effect 2 somewhere roaming around in the world.

I needed a good smile and Hubby found it on cable and recorded it. Already I have seen it twice and he is watching it again...his second, my third. It will probably get one more viewing probably before the week is out, and of course, if it remains on the DVR it will get watched around Halloween. Yo. Vampires, dude. Perfect for Halloween.

Middle of the Week and Marching Forward

It is Wednesday. Monday and Tuesday work was nothing but call after call. Today it was actually quiet and I even managed to get some knitting done! Yes, there was much rejoicing!

Plus, The Tale of Desperaux came in from Netflix, which means we will be watching a really cool movie this evening, unless we can't get So You Think You Can Dance to record on the DVR. Yes, yes. I know. Addicted I am.

My tum-tum has not been fantastic today because of the stress and, perhaps, letting the stress go. This means I am probably ordering some egg-drop soup and some soothing chicken dish which will, perhaps, let my stomach settle. Potato chips were the only thing that stayed in place.

Now, the weekend approaches and a baby shower. I need to get back to knitting!

Difficult to Explain

It is hard to write these words, and I have actually delayed for a long time to put them out here. My beautiful fur-baby JoJo passed away on September 9th around Noon.

According to the vet she had been fighting an auto-immune disease that was robbing her of her ability to make red blood cells. We all know that, without red blood cells you simply can't live. Dr. Taylor went so far as to give her a blood transfusion which seemed to have been the perfect cure, but after a week in the hospital of observation JoJo had another turn for the worst. Dr. Taylor gave Jo another blood transfusion, but it didn't take. We were hoping for her to be able to get home so I could see her one more time and if she was to pass she would be surrounded by people who loved her more than anything. Unfortunately JoJo just couldn't make it home and she passed at the hospital. It actually hurt Dr. Taylor to tell us she was gone, because we had done everything we could for her, and so had he.

I had her cremated and Hubby is bringing her home today. Later on he will take her out to the farm to bury her, but she is going to make it home one last time.

This is really hurting. She was my baby girl. She was the youngest of all of the dogs so should have been the next in line as lead for the dogs, but she isn't. Hopefully in her three or four years of life she had a wonderful one here with us. I know she was spoiled and everyone who came into the house - well, almost everyone - was greeted and she made sure to let them know she was approachable and pet able. Really, she didn't mind to be petted at all! Plus, she had a smile to prove it.

Things are really quiet in the house now. I didn't realize how much life JoJo put into the house, but she did. She filled the house with living, loving, and play. I miss her terribly, and will for a long while.

What a weekend!

Sorry for the silence over the weekend. The birthday dinner went fabulously and I was able to spend time with some of my all-time favorite people in the entire world. They truly are my family here. I love you guys.

Whew!

Worked.

Tired.

Glad I did it, though.

Introductions Are Finally Made

Meet Jake. Cheyenne belongs to him and they live next door to us, as it should be for family. Jake came into Cheyenne's household in December 2008 as a tiny, wee pup and has grown into a whopping 70 lbs(?) of solid dog with a lot of puppy left in him for play, exploration, and just enjoying living and being around his people. Since Cheyenne currently lives alone, except for Jake, of course; Jake's "people" include me and Hubby and by virtue of association, his pack also includes our brood. Sadly, because Jake is the youngest, he still gets growled at a lot, but he is learning, which is wonderful to see pack dynamics in action!

So, World, meet Jake. Jake, meet The World.

Being a Part of Something

Although Chewie is the newest addition to our family, he has truly become the one creature who is with me throughout each and every single day that I am home. He sleeps on my side of the bed in the floor because JoJo takes her spot religiously up on the bed on my side; when I go from one room to the other, Chewie is there and so happy we are together. Of course he isn't the only one - JoJo and Gabby likewise make certain their presence is felt through the day and evening because in some inexplicable way we are a cohesive unit.

Hubby fits in there, of course. He is the disciplinarian more so than me in some respects and carries the alpha male role throughout our little pack. As the alpha female I have respect, but there is just a wee bit more of feeling, of love there. I nurture. I protect. I care for them and encourage them whereas Hubby doesn't. That just doesn't seem to be his job, especially as far as the rest are concerned.

Hubby is also convinced Chewie needs to be more aggressive because he is the largest of the three and he needs to step up to protect me if called upon to do so. Chewie's action are his protection: he covers me to take whatever bad thing he believes is about to happen. He is quietly between me and the danger and does not move from my side. JoJo and Gabby then proceed to get whatever is wrong in our world.

It is my goal to never take this particular "something", this dynamic we have for granted. Today it all came out in full force because I have been very under the weather and each time I have had to move from room to room or to the bathroom, we have moved as a unit and everyone was there to encourage me. They were there to love me and back me up, even if it was vomiting because of the stomach virus. Chewie couldn't get between me and whatever was making me sick, so he was there each purge of the stomach contents pressing himself up against my side and just letting me know he was there. Gabby and JoJo waited patiently by the bathroom door, I think mostly because we all couldn't fit in our tiny bathroom!

Just a little while after this particular bad bathroom, stomach-purging episode I picked up the remote and decided to watch some television. As usual, everyone chose their spots as close to me as possible. This time Chewie got up into the couch beside me close enough for me to reach out and touch him. When everyone was settled there was an almost collective sigh from everyone, including myself. We were just happy to be together with each other today, even though it wasn't perfect. We had each other, and it showed.

The black-eyed susans beside the house are so lovely and such a surprise that after work each day I have been actually going outside to visit them. A friend of mine said these really aren't 'black-eyed susans' but that's what they are to me, until someone else can give me a different name for them. Whatever they are, they make me happy.

Work this week has been incredibly odd. Bud* was let go - one of the best supervisors ever. Call volume was actually manageable for most of the week, which floored me each and every time I realized calls weren't slamming me. And, it actually felt good to be working from home. Not only did it feel good to work from home, but the thought of not having to get out at all this winter to go to work other than into my little home office took away some of the perpetual stress knot that seems to live between my shoulder blades. Work was a positive experience this week from beginning to end (week wise), and I am deeply thankful to God for that.

Elsewhere this have been...odd. The more I am finding positive things around me, the more negative some friends are becoming. Even old friends who are normally positive have been negative, which has made me cautious because when I have tried to encourage them they have bitten at my kind words and growled how awful their lives were and then had to proceed to describe to me exactly how bad their respective worlds are. I listened, because, as a friend, this is in my job description of being a friend. I tried to be as sympathetic as possible, but the entire time I just kept waiting for the "bad" stuff to jump out at me. I offered a shoulder and a hug and was brushed aside because I simply didn't understand and they didn't want to bring me down with them. Um, so why did you tell me all of this crap in the first place? Then, almost to add insult to injury, a friend has hinted at some horrible things that are happening and then said, quite pointedly that they weren't going to tell me because they weren't ready.

WTF.

I'm glad my flowers are still blooming. I need them.

Monday and an Approaching Full Moon

The full moon is advancing. According to all of my sources as well as watching the night sky, it will be full tomorrow. Work was busy today, but not to the point to where it was unmanageable. Hopefully tomorrow will be all right as well. Here's to hoping.

X-Post: The Dred Sock

I have been working diligently on a "dred sock" per Hubby's desire and request. He needed something that would be cool for the summer and keep his dreds in line and protected, but he also needed something that he could close up and make a tam also if necessary. Thus, the creation of the dred sock!



As always, he chose the colors, and, I must say, a very nice cotton blend yarn that was a true pleasure to work with: Cotton Fleece by Brown Sheep. It was one of the more enjoyable knitting projects I have played with.



The opening is the red section that was done in a k1p1 rib that turned out beautifully and the blue "end" is open. The end, which you can't see very well here, was done with a simple yarn over opening for the threading of a closing piece.



The "string" was actually a 3-braid of all three of the colors used in making the hat, and I am actually quite proud of how well the string itself turned out.











And here is Hubby with his new favorite hat as well as just a little more detail. And, just for those who were wondering, no, I didn't get a chance to block the project before it was worn.





This one is a little blurry, but you can still see how it is supposed to protect the dreds.



Here is a better one.



I am actually quite proud of this little creation of mine, and am working on another form of "band" for non-dreds or even dreds I suppose.

There is more to come, too! I have a skirt planned for winter/fall and possibly a couple of sweaters once I have ventured into the sweater knitting again. My brain is suddenly full of possibilities where knitting is concerned!

Acknowleding Paths and Directions

Have you ever had one of those moments where you look behind you and see the weird winding road that has brought you to your current position and then you look ahead of you and see about only 10 yards ahead of you clearly and wonder if you can keep on going? Can you keep on putting one foot in front of the other and make it to the end of wherever it is you're going? Today isn't one of those days exactly, but close.

There is much I would like to change in my life, in my little corner of the world, and yet there is actually quite a bit I like and enjoy and wouldn't change for anything in the world. Most of the changing I would like to do actually centers around me. I don't look the way I would enjoy looking; I don't feel quite as good as I'd like to feel; and I don't necessarily get to do all of the things I would like to do, but that is just the way living is - sometimes you get to eat chocolate cake and sometimes you have to wash the dishes after you've made said cake! The world just doesn't give you a break when it all comes down to it, and you really shouldn't expect one.

At the same time, the only person keeping me from making all of the changes I can see is myself. This sucks. I have no one to blame but myself, and no one else I can point a finger at and say, "They did it! They stopped me!" Normally this acknowledgement would make me feel quite sad, disillusioned in many respects. Today it just makes me sigh and set my face toward the unknown path ahead of me and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I guess I'll just have to change along the way - I am tired of standing still working on everything. I want to move forward and get out of this particular section of the road, the path.

Simple

My dog JoJo has a favorite toy.

It must even watch out the window with her.

See....

Some Days You Just Need Beauty

Today with work, things were quite hectic and then my call link just froze up on me. This kept me from answering any calls and gave me an unwanted break from the job, which caused me just a little distress because when you are supposed to be working dang it you are supposed to be working! Yes, yes, I am an odd bird, but this is the way I am and most people accept this just let me stress a little so I can eventually relax. Believe it or not, but it actually works. With me at least.

Since I have my camera pictures are once more available for the blog and elsewhere. The truly wonderful thing is that this picture is of some blackeyed susans I just discovered growing at the side of my home day before yesterday. As soon as I possibly could I made sure to take a picture of them. Aren't they completely adorable! I didn't even plant them, which makes them even more special.

This morning, being an industrial person that I am (for today at least) I went outside with my camera for a small jaunt to capture my tomatoes and herbs in the morning light and while I was sitting there, quietly preparing my camera, a mourning dove came and landed right beside me! I have been feeding the birds off and on for a while so it didn't surprise me that the little creature landed so close to me, but the quiet peace it had while beside me was mesmerizing and quite humbling. Sadly, I was unable to move the camera so as to get a picture of it before it flew away, but, perhaps, tomorrow will prove to be a better bird photo day than today has been.

And, before closing, yes, the problem that was wrong with the computer is taken care of and tomorrow will be another day for work and pictures and living this wonderfully odd life I call my own.

A New Glimpse

DSCN0033
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At Last It Is Saturday

Yes, my Harry Potter geekery has been assuaged for the time being. As was expected, there was some tearing up when dear Dumbledore met his end. However, it wasn't to the point that tears were dripping down my cheeks in deep mourning (like what happened when I read it in the book).

As was hoped, I did not have to see the movie alone. Cheyenne and Hubby went with me. Unfortunately Hubby SO disliked the movie that I have thus made up my mind that I will be heading out to the other two movies on my own at a matinee because of all of those nice transportation problems I have with WHEELS and just enjoy it all on my own. Or with a few select Pottery friends.

How do you like the above photo? It was taken with my new camera! It is a Nikon Coolpix and, I must admit, I am almost beside myself with excitement and joy! Hubby does not understand how I can be so thrilled with taking pictures of the animals and my feet.

Why my feet? Well, they have a tendency to get where I am going before I do since I am in the chair. So, why not take pictures of before and after a journey? He just pats me on my head and smiles politely.

One of Those Fantastic Weekends

We need a vacation. Me and Hubby need a vacation and if not us together we need one separately. Our mental and emotional batteries are extremely low, but today we have actually had a wonderfully relaxing day. It was needed beyond belief.

Mid-Way Through

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Today was simply an awesome day of not too many calls at work and having accomplished quite a few tasks on my TO DO list for today. I just can't believe how much those silly lists keep me organized and focused.

This Made Me Laugh

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And Monday Goes Down

Mondays after long weekends tend to be very bad in my line of work, but today it wasn't bad at all considering. The call flow was not outrageous for most of the day and picked up only around three o'clock this afternoon. This wasn't bad because my shift ends at five o'clock Monday through Thursday.

My voice came and went a lot, as was expected. Around four it came and appears to be staying around, which is awesome, although Hubby (jokingly) says it was quieter earlier.

Earlier today Cheyenne came over and was surfing the 'Net and applying for jobs...and eating Chinese. He brought me some egg drop soup that I drank during break and took him the remains to dole out to the dogs. Sadly, Cheyenne left his own food in the Chinese container box on the floor. My dear sweet Gabby stole it and was eating it right in front of him and he didn't even notice it until he went to retrieve his own and it wasn't there.

Yes, I laughed.

"
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Despite the Rain the Beat Goes On

The 4th of July around here ended up being somewhat of a soggy one, but there was fun still had and people were pleased and there was laughter.

Instead of having the festivities over here at the Editorial home, Cheyenne was sort of drafted, along with his garage to host it all. Graciously he accepted and with help from yours truly and RH the garage became a nice place to host a soggy 4th of July party and play games. At one point there was15 people in the garage, which was awesome - because my house would have been cramped to the gills.

However, today am suffering from just a touch of a (hopeful) sinus infection. There isn't any discoloration of sputum so I am not contagious, which is wonderful considering everyone who was over to the party yesterday.

Yesterday I just sat quietly for a moment behind everyone and just observed the smiles, chatter, and laughter. It was magnificent. Hubby put together the grill in the rain, because he decided on being stubborn, but once he was in the garage and drying off with everyone else, his mood improved. Being with everyone gave me a boost of just what I needed: Life!

The Sky Outside My Window Is Blue And I Have A Day Off

Life is good today. Because Independence Day, here in the U.S. also known as The Fourth of July, fell on a Saturday this year, work was magnanimous enough to let us enjoy a three day weekend and give us Friday off. Today. This has led to staying up late last night, sleeping late today, and currently am roaming and writing on the Internet as well as downloading and installing World of Warcraft onto the PC and am hoping to actually get to play it some today.

Not only is there WoW possibility but there is an absence of any other human being in my house today. It is just me and the dogs (plus Jake, Cheyenne's canine) and the cat. Hubby has gone to visit his parents and our nephews and I am relaxing, genuinely, for the first time in months. It feels good. I have needed a quiet day off without stressors of any sort because I think I am having a bout of burn-out on the old job front.

Is six months too short a time to have burn-out on a job position? I am not sure. Still, I love my paycheck enough to keep working and doing the best job I can possibly do for said paycheck. Sometimes it would be nice to have a position where I could take a day off and not have to worry about being fired for it or anything so drastic.

Plus, there are other stressors involved in everything, which I am finally comfortable enough to share - actually, I believe I need to share in order to just keep going on with my . . . life - with everyone and face myself.

A couple of weeks back I went to see Hubby's chiropractor because said person, we'll call him Dr. Krackles, could help keep away the migraines. I am all up for that, so went. Hubby was prepared and took the MRI I had taken in 2003 with me, plus Dr. Krackles also did x-rays himself.

It turns out I have a broken neck and have had one since at least 2003! It is actually a life-threatening injury that if I turn my neck too quickly or am jarred too suddenly I could break my own neck and die instantly. Sobering news to say the least. I informed my GP and rheumatologist and they are discussing the next phase of what to do. I am only 47 so want to keep living, of course, but there are problems with the fusion operation that would need to be done: 1) I have pretty severe osteoporosis because of a lot of different factors and it might not be possible to have the operation done without hurting my neck further and/or killing me; 2) there might not be a facility close enough equipped with the items and surgeons necessary to work on me as I am a brittle arthritic (doctors' terms, not my own) and 3) no one is sure how long the recovery time for the operation would take. Since I am working there is a possibility of having to get off of disability only to go back onto it in order to get over the operation to save my life.

There are a lot of "ifs" floating about with all of this.

The sobering thing, for me at least, is that my neck has been in this condition since at least 2003, which is six years: Why didn't the doctor who was treating me for migraines care enough to tell me about my neck and the possibilities of death? Why does everyone just assume that because I have a disability I am OK with not knowing something or that I am not going to want to get an old injury taken care of? Do doctors only care so much about their paychecks that they really don't care about patients like me? Is it actually feasible and possible that doctors really only want to care for those people "who have their lives in front of them" and can "heal correctly" that they don't give a damn about people like me?

Yeah, there is some latent anger, too. I am working through that at least.

Two of my sisters are saying to quit my job and stay on disability and not worry about working until after the operation. This feels like a dagger in my heart. I am more than just a disability. I am more than someone who needs and should be protected. There are a lot of factors for me to consider here than just going blindly forward to have the operation done. It is a frightening thing to consider.

Hubby is encouraging me "to get my soul right with God" so that if something does happen he won't have to worry about my soul. I understand this concern and have been working on this for many years. I am not perfect and my spiritual journey is on-going and has its ups and downs, but I don't want to be a pretentious prick either trying to bribe God to let me live in at least the physical condition I am in. With everything that has happened in the past six years, I know God has been keeping me alive and taking care of me!

Despite having this knowledge (it is something I can't forget about) I have managed to be happy. I have begun working seriously again on the writing and telling my stories. I am making plans for the future and I am thankful for all of the dumb things I have survived and know I will never get to do like ride on a roller coaster.

In many ways this has been an eye-opener. I have always known I was going to die. I have always known each one of us who are currently alive are slowly aging and dying. Still, having it told to you that your death is imminent at any given moment or time makes you enjoy like and consider it just a little more as being precious.

Soul Shard (poem)

Copyright (c) 2009 by Henrietta A. Handy

There is something in my Soul
That saddens and makes me un-whole
Weariness and the same old grind
Understand lost in kind.

There is much to do
But none so much as contemplate, stew
Because life is never easy
And often times makes one quite queasy.

There is something in my Soul
It's sad and is not whole
No one answers the questions I ask
All they give is task after task.

I please all, but none agree
If I should be pleased at all, or just left be
There is something in my Soul
Cracked and broken, un-whole.

Nuff Said

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Yahoo! News Story - Wish Fulfillment? No. But Dreams (and Sleep) Have Meaning - Yahoo! News

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Wish Fulfillment? No. But Dreams (and Sleep) Have Meaning - Yahoo! News

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20090616/hl_time/08599190456100

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Hubby has not been sleeping well. He has been having mood swings, which can also be attributed to the parathyroid problem he had previously, but some things in the article have jumped out at me, like the following:

Dreams may not be the secret window into the frustrated desires of the unconscious that Sigmund Freud first posited in 1899, but growing evidence suggests that dreams - and, more so, sleep - are powerfully connected to the processing of human emotions.

It also states further into the article that "Sleep essentially is resetting the magnetic north of your emotional compass," says Matthew Walker, director of the Sleep and Neuroimaging Lab at the University of California, Berkeley. This makes lots and lots of sense to me now.

Am I Being Brave or Just Less Protective?

I have seriously been considering getting a web cam for my computer, as well as a video camera because there are some things that catch my eye and it would be wonderful to share. Hubby thinks this is a very bad thing because he doesn't want pictures of him posted to the Internet. Of course I am going to honor his request and desire! It would just be cool if I could catch him smiling in some pictures and videos.

How Is It Possible People Can Actually Stay Married To One Person Forever?

Hubby and I had a huge argument this afternoon and it led on up into the evening. It wasn't a bad argument - you know, one of those arguments that leave you wondering if you should actually stay married - but it was a serious argument all the same.

It has left me wondering and admiring just how many people have lasted together for fifty years and more. Being married isn't easy. Personalities don't always mesh. Sometimes the sound of the other person's voice grates on your nerves like fingernails on a blackboard. Sometimes it is impossible to see your life without the other person in it to the fullest.

Maybe being married is accepting you aren't always going to like the other person, but that you are always going to love them and when everything goes to hell in a hand basket, that is the person you want on your side and beside you.

Maybe being married is just accepting you are going to argue and be unable to please the other person 110% of the time or even 50% of the time on some days; it also means accepting they aren't going to please you for the same percentages. Accepting it means it isn't something that is going to tear the relationship apart, but actually make it stronger, as long as you work on what displeases the other person, and they work on things for you.

Maybe being married is the ultimate practice of forgiveness.

When You Least Expect It

Today Hubby and some friends and I went to the University of Kentucky art museum to see an Ancient Egypt exhibit. I simply do not have all of the energy necessary to write about it today, but it is there and a couple of drafts have already been worked out, but it still isn't right. This one needs to be good, perfect even because what I want to say matters - even if it only matters to me at the moment.

I was reminded today that when you least expect it, you can have your world's pieces suddenly slammed into place and simultaneously disrupt everything that you thought was in an orderly fashion.

The Long Drought of Words is Over

It has finally come to an end - that horrible drought of words. It wasn't writer's block exactly - there were many stories to write but it was just about impossible to decide which ones to actually work on. Today, partly out of boredom and a desire to correct a mistake made with the thriller novel, I began working on it again and suddenly the heavens opened up and the dam burst, and it began pouring down words like cats and dogs! It was fantastic!

The first chapter is done and a portion of the second has also begun. Not only are the words flowing, but notes are also happening and there is a sense of confidence where this is concerned. It feels good. It feels doggone good as a matter of fact.

I wrote between calls in the day job and found the day passing wonderfully. However, the question remains: Will I be able to work on it at all this weekend with hubby being home? He is supposed to go to G'town tomorrow for tai chi and I am half way contemplating going with him so I can actually get some more yarn (yes, I realize I need more yarn like a hole in the head, but it is yarn you realize....) from Stone's Throw.

Decisions. Decisions.

Still, this is good. This is VERY good.

Three Passions of My Life Besides Writing

Last Friday I actually made it to Barnes & Noble and enjoyed just roaming the stacks and letting the stresses of the entire week just melt away. It did my body, mind, and soul wonders just to be outside of the house someplace else.

As usual there were some purchases made – one of the most anticipated purchases was the next novel in the J.P. Beaumont detective series by J. A. Jance, Trial By Fury. The last time I made it to Barnes & Noble there weren't any copies available.

Straight from there I wandered and perused spines and jacket covers at a leisurely pace until I came to the craft section and the knitting books.

Once there much of the latest stress practically began to fall away like unneeded and unwanted weights. It was such an immediate sensation I don't believe I would have been surprised to hear the tinks and thuds of varying sizes of weights hitting the floor.

As I was thumbing through some of the knitting books (I need a baby sweater pattern for my niece who is expecting her second child) I suddenly understood what having a passion for something truly meant (at least to me).

Having a passion for something like knitting, reading, video games, dancing, writing, singing, etc. means that you have something so important to you that you can't see yourself not doing it or being immersed in something to do with the object of you passion.

Being passionate about something means it not only satisfies the mundane need, but it also satisfies your mind and soul in a different place and thus causes your body to relax. It also lets you relax enough to reach out and touch Creativity itself, which also lets you grasp, on an unexplainable level, something about the Creator.

Having a passion for something means it is somehow a part of you, an important part and without it you would feel just a little less whole.

I knew already I am, on a general level, quite a passionate person, but had never considered – beyond writing, of course – what my true passions were...are, and was surprised at what they are.

At the top, of course, is writing. This passion is such a part of me it is almost as necessary as breathing! Next would come my knitting, reading, and, surprisingly, my Nintendo DSi (my little toy). These are things I am genuinely passionate about.

Since these things genuinely mean so much to me it is almost impossible to describe my passion for my husband, my dogs, my family, and my friends. Above all of this it is truly impossible to describe my passion for my faith.

I am actually quite thankful for all of the passions inside. It permits me to live the life I have been given to the fullest, with only a few reservations. There is some pain involved living life this way because the heart is open to enjoy and experience everything as much as possible, and others to their utmost. So far I wouldn't change anything.

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David Carradine

It is so surprising for me to actually sit here and write about the passing of Kung Fu's driving star. Watching episodes of the series actually got me interested in martial arts and Asia as a whole. Seeing him in other roles I found myself frightened or laughing or pulling for the unexpected hero in whatever character he took on.

Although I have not followed his career closely I have watched and hoped for him as he battled cancer and leukemia and still managed to have a life. It just doesn't fit with the personality we have come to glimpse that he would commit suicide while on set/area for a film. According to the article linked to above (just click the title of this article) the family has requested the FBI to investigate in Bangkok to get to the bottom of what happened. I agree. This simply does not make sense.

Rest in peace, David Carradine. May you have peace.

Nuff Said

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Zoo Babies | NBC Washington

Zoo Babies | NBC Washington
Isn't that just so cute!?!

One of Those Wonderful Moments:UP

Yesterday Hubby and I and Cheyenne went to see UP. It was one of the most enjoyable movies I have seen in a while.

Not only was the movie in 3D but it starred my dog Chewie, but in the film his name was "Dug". The similarities between the two are so uncanny that all through the movie me and Hubby would look at each other and simultaneously grin and chortle: "CHEWIE!"

UP surprised me in the fact that it was intense for a "kids" movie, but, as with all Disney/Pixar movies there were elements for the adult as well as the kid in the audience, as well s in all of us.

Sitting there in the movie theater in the dark I was relaxed for the first time in a long time. Everything felt right inside me, as well as around me.

At the same time, my heart was a little sad for some unknown reason. Is it normal for such happiness to be accompanied by this feeling? This is the first time this has happened to me for a while. Perhaps I was just sad that the weekend was ending, and Monday - today - was looming large before me.

However, as far as Mondays go, today hasn't been very bad at all. The day job went well, the second job (more about that later) has gone well, and now the brain and body can simultaneously relax with my darling and my friends. Plus, this is June 1, and, for me, it is officially summer. Everything is good at the moment and I plan on enjoying it to its depth.

Ten Things To Know About Judge Sonia Sotomayor

Ten Things To Know About Judge Sonia Sotomayor

1. Judge Sotomayor would bring more federal judicial experience to the bench than any Supreme Court justice in 100 years. Over her three-decade career, she has served in a wide variety of legal roles, including as a prosecutor, litigator, and judge.

2. Judge Sotomayor is a trailblazer. She was the first Latina to serve on the Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit and was the youngest member of the court when appointed to the District Court for the Southern District of New York. If confirmed, she will be the first Hispanic to sit on the U.S. Supreme Court.

3. While on the bench, Judge Sotomayor has consistently protected the rights of working Americans, ruling in favor of health benefits and fair wages for workers in several cases.

4. Judge Sotomayor has shown strong support for First Amendment rights, including in cases of religious expression and the rights to assembly and free speech.

5. Judge Sotomayor has a strong record on civil rights cases, ruling for plaintiffs who had been discriminated against based on disability, sex and race.

6. Judge Sotomayor embodies the American dream. Born to Puerto Rican parents, she grew up in a South Bronx housing project and was raised from age nine by a single mother, excelling in school and working her way to graduate summa cum laude from Princeton University and to become an editor of the Law Journal at Yale Law School .

7. In 1995, Judge Sotomayor "saved baseball" when she stopped the owners from illegally changing their bargaining agreement with the players, thereby ending the longest professional sports walk-out in history.

8. Judge Sotomayor ruled in favor of the environment in a case of protecting aquatic life in the vicinity of power plants in 2007, a decision that was overturned by the Roberts Supreme Court.

9. In 1992, Judge Sotomayor was confirmed by the Senate without opposition after being appointed to the bench by George H.W. Bush.

10. Judge Sotomayor is a widely respected legal figure, having been described as "...an outstanding colleague with a keen legal mind," "highly qualified for any position in which wisdom, intelligence, collegiality and good character would be assets," and "a role model of aspiration, discipline, commitment, intellectual prowess and integrity."

Looking at the Wall

With my little home office fixed up to be both a combination of the day job as well as the writing world I had time to glance around the office today (the phones weren't bad today). The wall directly in front of my work computer has several different sheets and scraps of paper taped there for ease in locating work information. It looks professional and yet free. This made me think it was really a good reference point of how I am: very professional with a quick change if needed for the writing world or even for the job. I am like the ocean with ebbs and flows and rise and falls of tides. The thought of that made me smile broadly, especially since I have never seen the ocean.

A Saturday Among Saturdays

I have not felt well for a while and when I finally made it to the doctor yesterday there was an explanation as to why I was feeling like crap and meds prescribed to help me get over this current slow-down of the steam roller known as Me.

Today I have actually permitted myself to rest even though the girl in me is screaming I could have gone to get my nails done (which is true), but the nails can get done tomorrow or later on in the week if necessary. Right? Right. So I have done nothing but just relax and be at peace and now am preparing to go and do a little on-line shopping for a new game for the DSi. Have finished the first phase of Lego's Indiana Jones, which is the Raiders of the Lost Ark and now am preparing to head into Temple of Doom. Have I said lately how much I love my Nintendo DSi?

Sitting Quiet for a Moment

It has been so long since I have been able to sit down and compose my thoughts and hectic life into some semblance of order that, for a moment, I felt over-whelmed by everything I felt like I needed to explain or say as well as all of those wonderful things I would like to share with all of you.

If everything goes well, as I believe it will, the long hiatus is over between me and blogging, as well as knitting and having a life. Yes, I am still working at the same job since January, but I am working from home now, which is something I am actually having to get used to, despite the fact I am working in my own home!

Gone are the times, currently, of having to get up and be ready for my ride on Wheels two hours before work just so I would be able to be there on time (not late). Gone is having to get up in plenty of time to put on the make-up and iron the clothes (or spray them with the Downy wrinkle-free stuff). And, much to my surprise, I miss it. I am sure this is a phase that is going to pass.

My entire unit is a work-at-home unit now. They trained us in office and then they sent us home to do our jobs. My wall in front of my work computer looks just like the cubicle wall at the office now with papers and slips of information and numbers here and there. Everything can be glanced at and used. It is quite efficient. Again, it is hard to believe it is all in my own home office.

All that needs to be done is to figure out the proper time of rising in the morning so I can get blogging and other writing projects out onto the 'Net or into e-mails for submissions to different magazines and places: Time management, in other words.

SWtill Kicking

Well, I am still working. Big shock, Right? Yesterday I had to miss work because I had a migraine. It began Saturday and didn't really end until today. Even though I went to work today I would have preferred to have been any where else because I just felt like absolute crap.

Friday and yesterday brought me a deep realization: I do not want to stay at this job forever. So, even through the the migraine yesterday I applied to 16 new job positions. When I went into work today I was also given information a new position was open in my department, just a different division than call center rep. I let my manager know I was interested - as long as the pay is the same and the hours remain the same I would really like to be in that particular division. Hubby is really encouraging me to step out and find a better job and not just to settle. One good thing with this new position is that I would have the time to actually go back to school. It would be hard, but I believe I can do it, as long as I can get the funding I need to return to classes.

Upward.

I have also kept up the writing, as I promised myself this year. The piece that truly has my interest and has kept me working on it is a children's story of all things! Maybe I just need something simple and as innocent as possible to soothe the nerves and heart with all of the stress I am suddenly finding myself surrounded by.

Physically I am not doing as well as I would like. I simply have to figure out a way of exercising each and every day. I have not been doing this and now I realize I need to do this because I need to do this for me. Just me. In some weird way this feels fantastic.

Geek Alert!

Just made my pre-order! So excited. Because money is does not grow on trees I will wait and purchase my first game with the next paycheck. Have to pay the house payment first, which is really nifty in and of itself! Still, I am so very happy with my purchase. I don't have any bells and whistles yet, but all things come with time.

Until I got a dog, I had no idea what this really meant (Guest post from Cheyenne)

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Not long ago, I got a dog.

I'd been thinking about getting a dog off and on for a while, and always deciding against it. I was living in an apartment, with three cats, and I'd want a good sized dog. And while my apartment was nice, and kind of roomy, it was not big enough to add in another 80 or so pounds of good sized dog.

But life changed. It does that, you know. Rather a lot too. Bit of a nasty habit sometimes. But it changed, and I found myself moving from a kind of roomy apartment to a fair sized house, and switching states while I was at it. Everything old was new again - sure, I'd had the bookcases for years, but not in a long room that's bright yellow. I was no longer an apartment dweller - I had moved on, to become a home owner. True, I would be responsible for my own upkeep and repairs, but if I want to paint the walls, I can paint the walls. I can paint them black if I want to. Or orange. Bright orange. And then go over them with paint the color of raspberry sherbet on a textured sponge.

Which might sound weird, but my sister actually did that in her room at Mom's, and it doesn't look that bad.

But it was my home, and thus my rules, and I had been wanting a dog - so when the opportunity arose, I picked up a puppy from one of my neighbors. Suddenly, I was not only a home owner, I was a dog owner.

Moreover, I was part of a pack.

The Editor has three dogs, and I've heard her talk about separation anxiety before - but it's not quite the same. Cats can watch you come and go all day long, and they generally only get concerned if you're feeling particularly bad or if the food bowl is empty - at least my three cats only get concerned at such times. Dogs, though, want to make sure that everything is all right. They want their pack to be safe and stable, regardless of how big or small it is. If my dog - Jake - can't find me, he comes looking for me. I've left him in a good sleep, snoring good and hard, in one room and gone to get a book or some water or to put something away, and within five minutes, he's up and on his feet, almost asleep, following along to see what I'm doing. When I have to leave the house, he sits near the door waiting for me to invite him along right up to the last minute. He'll hop up on the couch to watch me head to the car. And when I come back, if he's not on the couch napping - waiting on me to come back home - he's usually running up from another room, tail wagging so hard his butt moves and tongue flapping right along with it. Doesn't matter if I'd been gone for a couple hours or if I walked to the mailbox. Simply by coming back, I have made everything right with Jake's world.

And I'm noticing the same things happening to me too. When I sit down at the computer for any extended length of time, I glance one way or another every few minutes to see where Jake is. If I hear him walking across the linoleum in the kitchen, I look to see where he's going. If I realize that it's been a while since I've seen him, I go looking for him. If Jake isn't there when I come through the door, I go looking for him. The groceries will be fine - where's the rest of my pack?

I love having Jake around. The cats can take care of themselves pretty much - I'm only important because I have thumbs and can refill the food and water. Jake can get along without me well enough, but he's a bundle of happy when I'm around. Doesn't matter if I'm not feeling great or if I'm busy. We're a pack, Jake and I, and that makes him happy as all get out.

It does wonders for me too, if you were curious. Right now, he's asleep behind the printer stand, snoring lightly. And having my pack close by, should I need him - for any reason or none at all - makes me happy too.

This Was Me Today

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Spring Cleaning

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Finally feeling better. Not great. Better. Today I have had the worst headache imaginable; however, after a pot of coffee and a little more food it is a little better. It isn't going to stop me from going to work tomorrow, and, now I am also able to think a little clearer. Clear enough to know it is time for my mental spring cleaning and putting things into order.

The beginning of Spring is a time of getting rid of all of the heavy clothes we had to wear during winter, and preparing ourselves for the growing season. Renewal.

This entire year has been about renewal for me apparently. I have made decisions about my life and stuck to them; I have worked very hard to be as independent as possible; I have made sure to also be as healthy as possible; and, I have kept up with being creative. This sure does mean a lot of stuff rolling around in my brain. Sometimes it seems there is too much in my brain, so it is time to do some mental spring cleaning, as well as physical spring cleaning in my house.

It is time to let go of the baggage and arrange the necessaries in a more readily accessible order. The main thing currently is the stories that need to come out of my head. There are far too many of them in there at the moment.

Another thing I am also going to do is re-instate fiction here at The News, both my own and others' as well. Within the next couple of days I will post the writer's guidelines for here.

Let the Spring Cleaning begin!